tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1972912984919271871.post449675936881499571..comments2023-11-05T00:54:55.976-07:00Comments on Cranberry Corner: Dispelling the Perfection MythJennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16015165553390298826noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1972912984919271871.post-31195032053004073282009-05-18T09:57:00.000-07:002009-05-18T09:57:00.000-07:00Jenna,
As one who has been very close to you for ...Jenna,<br /><br />As one who has been very close to you for more then 10 years I must tell you that you are a wonderful wife. I am in awe of your forgiving nature. You are such a great example to me. I am so proud of how you never seem to give up when so many others would have. You are constantly in prayer and reading anything that can help make things better. You are always looking for a solution and not a way out....even when most would be running for the door. You don't ever pretend to have the perfect life...but you never stop trying to make it happy. You amaze me how you never blame and how you are quick to point out the positives. You are open to looking in the mirror to see what you can change. You haven't ever given up. You inspire so many. You inspire me.<br /><br />I love you, Amberamberwattnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1972912984919271871.post-62565431087143833202009-05-17T22:04:00.000-07:002009-05-17T22:04:00.000-07:00My sister went through a divorce and remarriage la...My sister went through a divorce and remarriage last year. And oddly, I'm grateful for it because our extended family (myself included) has become more sensitive to others struggling with failed marriages.<br /><br />On another note, my mom-in-law has been married and divorced numerous times (we lost track at 5). Strong, dynamic LDS mom of 4 kids (one of them being my husband). And at last, in her mid-fifties she found "the one" -- a humble, sweet, PhD LDS man whom we all love dearly. Amazing woman, amazing man, amazing life. I stand in awe of the many battles she's fought and lost, and then stood to fight again and...win. <br /><br />Funny thing, we all have different challenges. Mine (at this point) is my children. But other friends of mine, LDS and otherwise -- it's their marriage. We all keep striving ahead, despite the odds, to make something beautiful. And hopefully we can. (sigh)*https://www.blogger.com/profile/06484208765656281917noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1972912984919271871.post-74534791517275220312009-05-16T09:10:00.000-07:002009-05-16T09:10:00.000-07:00Everyone,
Thank you for your kind and supportive c...Everyone,<br />Thank you for your kind and supportive comments. I completely understand the need for so many 'anonymous' comments, and while I know who some of you are, it doesn't even matter, except that you are friends. <br /><br />See, the thing is, I don't want to think of it as 'airing my dirty laundry'. I want to be able to acknowledge both my strengths and my weaknesses, and be able to connect with others on both counts. I know that marriage is very, very difficult. I know that almost no one who has a stellar marriage has achieved that without sacrifice and toil. But others of us, who are still struggling, can take strength and inspiration from knowing about those sacrifices and toils, and learning from them. It helps to know one is not alone. It helps to know that what one is currently experiencing, one can overcome. I gain a tremendous amount of strength and hope when I hear of a marriage that I perceived as being "solid", that went through a very rocky period, even close to divorcing. It gives me perspective and wisdom from 'further down the road'. So, see, this post was not intended to be scandalous or offensive to anyone. I didn't intend to make anyone squirm. Rather than be the 'happily ever after' story talking about the past, I'm the one who is currently 'stuck in the mire' and telling the story from this vantage point. I have not given up, and I hope to be able to tell the story from the happier end one day too. <br /><br />To the last Anonymous, I have seen Fireproof, and read the book too. I have implemented many of those Love Dares, and I have spent many an hour on my knees pleading for a change in my heart. I did all of the same in my first marriage too. The thing is, in the end BOTH people have to choose to fight, forgive, and be humble. <br /><br />I wish it was safer to discuss marriage more openly. Since we all want it, and we seem to be doing a worse and worse job at doing it well, maybe a little more honesty would be helpful. Some of us rely on those tendrils of hope more than others could know, who are safely and happily enjoying married bliss. <br /><br />I sincerely apologize to anyone whom I have upset in any way.Jennahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16015165553390298826noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1972912984919271871.post-83317947477248931092009-05-16T08:41:00.000-07:002009-05-16T08:41:00.000-07:00Jenna, I've been reading your blog for about a yea...Jenna, I've been reading your blog for about a year now. I, like many of the others that have commented, enjoy reading about your relationship with your children. The joy that you write with just kept me coming back! I think it's important for you to keep writing about your positives. Sometimes when we "air our dirty laundry" and vent to others, this just makes the situation worse. I think many wives have had to focus on the positives just to make it through the hard times. <br /><br />I usually do not comment, but sit back and enjoy your posts. But today, I just could not. Call it irony, coincidence or God, but last night I watched the movie Fireproof. I know we come from different religious backgrounds and I'm not familiar with what your faith dictates. However, this movie, and the book that came from it, is touching. When you wrote about standing across the room from each other, I pictured the two characters in the movie. The book, The Love Dare, not only reminds us of our love for our spouse, but also for our Savior and the love He has for us. I know you can get the book at the library as well as many bookstores. <br /><br />I don't know you personally, but please know I will be praying for you and your husband. Keep focusing on the positives!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1972912984919271871.post-23805905527334504202009-05-15T19:29:00.000-07:002009-05-15T19:29:00.000-07:00I have only just started reading you, so I don't k...I have only just started reading you, so I don't know how you "usually" write. But it does make me think about how I portray things on my own blog. I want to be real. I want to be honest. And I certainly don't try to hide negative aspects in my life. But I wonder if I portray things in a positive light, just because I keep things safely neutral.<br /><br />Thank you for your honesty today. It really makes me think...Erinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16913479841360204974noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1972912984919271871.post-74649646164799469172009-05-15T13:13:00.000-07:002009-05-15T13:13:00.000-07:00Wow. I think it says a lot that so many of the co...Wow. I think it says a lot that so many of the commenters on this post are anonymous. We all want to put our best front forward on our blogs and in our lives. I admire you for being willing to share your struggles and the darker side of things.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1972912984919271871.post-91279108280372941682009-05-15T12:54:00.000-07:002009-05-15T12:54:00.000-07:00When I read your opening line, I actually chuckled...When I read your opening line, I actually chuckled. And I echo Annette exactly. <br /><br />I don't know how so many people misunderstand you on your blog. I've never thought your life was perfect, or that you sugar-coated anything. I've always seen that you focus on the positive, and are delicate with the hard things. Your vagueness about the difficult issues has (in my mind) always stemmed from trying to keep private things private, since yours is not a private blog.<br /><br />I don't think you've been more of a taker than a giver!! I love reading your posts and feeling uplifted and inspired. Your feelings about your mother, your children, your family traditions have all made me a better person. Or at least they've made me try. Seriously. Don't think that because you don't rant about the hard stuff all the time you're a taker. PLEASE don't think that.<br /><br />It seems you have touched on a real issue here. We all have tough stuff in our marriages. Mys husband and I have differing opinions on having our next child. It's a struggle.Wonder Womanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01286006629537084653noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1972912984919271871.post-59913050732967869022009-05-15T12:40:00.000-07:002009-05-15T12:40:00.000-07:00I'm so glad you decided to dispel the perfection m...I'm so glad you decided to dispel the perfection myth today. Because your paragragh about you and your husband looking at each other with your arms folded across your chests is me. I think about my marriage and wonder how much more I can take. Think about how I didn't know marriage would be such a lonely place. And wonder if it's possible to fix it.Rachel Suehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14426183215612921121noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1972912984919271871.post-4435743123819981852009-05-15T11:53:00.000-07:002009-05-15T11:53:00.000-07:00I know this kind of thing all too well--people ass...I know this kind of thing all too well--people assuming you have a great, perfect life (or marriage) when the opposite is true.<br /><br />Almost no one knows the reality of my marriage--that it's one of the darkest parts of my life, that it borders on emotional abuse, that if I knew then about him what I know now, I wouldn't have done it. But I'm sticking it out anyway. I pray that some day things turn up. I'm sure working my end of things--I hope he eventually decides to work his, because I can't imagine living the rest of my life this way.<br /><br />But no WAY would I ever post this kind of thing on my blog. Since I don't, others assume everything is hunky-dory and perfect, and many have left nice comments about what a great husband I must have. (And yes, he has his moments, but...)<br /><br />Sometimes I wish I had an anonymous blog where I could rant with total honestly and openness.<br /><br />So I'm posting here anonymously instead. Just know we're rooting for you, Jenna. We love you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1972912984919271871.post-52855202831753123352009-05-15T11:06:00.000-07:002009-05-15T11:06:00.000-07:00One of the reasons I was attracted to your blog wa...One of the reasons I was attracted to your blog was b/c of the second marriage and the challenges it brings--I do know people who are in second marriages but they don't happen to be my close friends. Plus, my parents as well as all 7 of my siblings are happily married to their original spouse (as am I) so I am fascinated by the situations that you deal with as a step mom and second wife. After nearly 23 years, my husband and I are still crazy about each other but that doesn't mean it has been a lark or easy or even fun, at times. It's been incredibly difficult at times and there have been some really dark days. I just wonder if the fact that you have one divorce behind you (each) if it makes it easier to consider that option a second time around. Having "failed" at a marriage might make it easier to believe that you can't make one work. I don't know . . .I just think that where you are at must be so extraordinarily difficult and I admire you for whatever it is you do to keep things going.Heidihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12660156433881882098noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1972912984919271871.post-92095078394737231652009-05-15T10:16:00.000-07:002009-05-15T10:16:00.000-07:00Yes, learning to love our husbands is our own spir...Yes, learning to love our husbands is our own spirituality. That's why God gave us marriage. That and childrearing are THE most refining, purifying (and therefore most potentially painful) experiences of mortal life.<br /><br />Hugging you across the miles, and always praying for you and Adam.Luisa Perkinshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15310698422276446909noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1972912984919271871.post-76064848163039210252009-05-15T09:42:00.000-07:002009-05-15T09:42:00.000-07:00One of the things people don't understand about tr...One of the things people don't understand about true love, Godly love, is that it is NONconditional. UNconditional implies that love can exist with conditions. Conditional love is not love at all. And until we get that into our heads, we have no hope for true love here at all.<br /><br />Do you really think that God would only love you if xyz occur... Or are you simply his child whom he loves and cares for? The same has to go for our marriages and our families. <br /><br />And it's not easy. But strengthen your testimony there and you have a good starting point.<br /><br />Just know that you've got a lot of cheerleaders in your corner. We know you're not perfect! We just want you to win the game--on the same team! *hugs*Meganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15908320764726278174noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1972912984919271871.post-70548361607776862862009-05-15T09:41:00.000-07:002009-05-15T09:41:00.000-07:00I read your blog often and am posting anon for thi...I read your blog often and am posting anon for this. I am entirely jealous of your fabulous (yes, almost perfect) interactions and relationships with your children. And I find this particular corner of your life inspiring. I read how you are so proud of your kids and try to be more proud of mine...but I'm not. I see their failings, their lack of appreciation for everthing that my husband and I do for them and I'm ENTIRELY jealous that you feel they "honor you as a mother." Oh, how I WISH to feel that way.<br /><br />And then I read today's post.<br /><br />I look forward (this is why it's anon) to the day my husband and I can enjoy every day with each other, WITHOUT our kids around! The ONLY thing we EVER disagree about is our kids. We have listened to people tell us we will miss the kids when they are gone. The kids are getting bigger and the end is in sight. We still can't wait until they leave.<br /><br />We are very happily married and I am grateful for that. As you have pointed out, nobody has it all. I love the way you focus on the positive and appreciate the inspiration I get from reading your blog. I sincerely hope you gain increasing happiness from your marriage.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1972912984919271871.post-72684118209736257652009-05-15T09:40:00.000-07:002009-05-15T09:40:00.000-07:00Perhaps I'm just extraordinarily perceptive or som...Perhaps I'm just extraordinarily perceptive or something - but I've seen glimpses of this in your writing here. Just glimpses, but no, of course everything isn't perfect.<br /><br />My own marriage has had its moments of heartache. Much love, much laughter, much joy, but those puzzle pieces you speak of. Oh how I understand that. And there is nothing so hard as being hurt by the person you expect to be able to trust not to. The key seems to be to want to see that completely puzzle more than to live a painfree life. Because trying to put it together hurts abominably at times.<br /><br />We're still missing pieces here, I can't pretend we're not, but trust is slowly blossoming again, and it's all the more beautiful for having been absent. I hope it can be the same for you. ~hugs~Kimberly Vanderhorsthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01653757517652257445noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1972912984919271871.post-51126423041958010712009-05-15T08:48:00.000-07:002009-05-15T08:48:00.000-07:00Marriage problems are tough to discuss, especially...Marriage problems are tough to discuss, especially in such a public forum. What can you say, without causing even more pain?<br /><br />Sometimes I fear I blew my shot at marital happiness fifteen-plus years ago. My marriage isn't bad, but it's not good. And I have to wonder if it ever really will be good, despite all the work I put into it.<br /><br />Yet would it be selfish for me to leave and try to find another marriage that would be good? What about the kids? Should I just tough it out? I don't know.<br /><br />Thanks for letting us into this corner of your life.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1972912984919271871.post-44762643718923927612009-05-15T08:43:00.000-07:002009-05-15T08:43:00.000-07:00Whoever said that hasn't read your blog long enoug...Whoever said that hasn't read your blog long enough--I almost laugh out loud too, because I know full well that you've had trials and heartache and make a point of looking for the positive moments in life.<br /><br />I truly hope things get better in the marriage department.Annette Lyonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12493583432919249814noreply@blogger.com