My mind has been jumping from one random thing to another lately. I'm trying desperately to enjoy this semester break, but I find myself vacillating between "just relax because you can!" and "you better hurry and do all those other things you put off until your break from school. . . tick tock tick tock!" It's torturous. It's like I'm a ten-year-old kid dropped in Disneyland for the afternoon and told to have fun, but hurry up and ride everything. Which, obviously, is impossible.
When I'm in school, I put off a lot of things. I dream of the projects I can't wait to be able to focus on when the semester is over. Things like cleaning the bathrooms. I jest. Sort of. No, more like trying new recipes, planning the spring garden, organizing the children's schoolwork, catching up on my for-fun reading. My life is a tricky balancing act and I'm constantly at war with my mind, trying to rein her in, keep her focused and disciplined, and yet giving her enough lee-way to keep her from completely melting down on me.
So, I finished the third semester of the RN program. It was excruciating. I got my first college B. And though I was sad when I saw it coming a bit more than halfway through the semester, escaping with that B was a relief by the end. I just wanted the whole miserable thing to be over. It was a defeating semester. Test wise, I suppose. Clinical rotation-wise, I enjoyed it. I am feeling much more confident and competent with the skills I've learned, and braver to try new ones. I really enjoy interacting with the patients, and I think I'm good at it. Even the old codgery ones have come around by the end of shift. Said things like, "Hey. Do what you do. You're going to be a great nurse." I love that kind of compliment. I mean, when my professors tell me I'm doing well, it means a lot, but when the patients tell me, that's huge, because, as you know, patient satisfaction is a pretty big deal.
Anyway, during last semester, our school passed a new calendar, changing us from a two semester school (with two short intersessions) to a three semester, which took our normal 10 week break in between semesters to three. At Christmastime, which pretty much swallows up all efforts to relax, if you know what I mean.
But some good things have happened:
My friend Jennifer came for a surprise visit with her two boys and stayed a night with me.
Having been without one for over a year, I was given a new amazing sewing machine for Christmas by one of my dearest friends. I am so excited about that, and trying to not feel guilty that I don't have the time to sew all I want right at this particular moment. (But I am collecting ideas!)
Christmas was peaceful. And Christmas happened again this year, which is always a miracle.
Dylan didn't come home this year, but he did call me, and he did make me a beautiful pen. I love it so, so much.
Lyndsay is here!
I've read several books.
I've done lots of cooking and baking.
I've done some cleaning.
And I've been mentally preparing some family goals for the new year. Which I will post about separately, soon.
But, you know, there's really never enough time. I'm trying to gear myself up for 2013. This will be a difficult year, I think, but one that needs to be faced, and one that in the end, my faith tells me, will be for my good. For now, I have one more week to enjoy NO SCHOOL, and then it's hit the books time again.
For my final semester!