Tuesday, December 31, 2013
What Can Happen in a Year
I never saw this picture coming.
Last Christmas we were not in a good place. Oh, man, it was ugly. I had made complete peace with the fact that our marriage was over. I felt the approval of heaven that I could move on, and I was ready. Excited, even. When I took down the tree last year, I kept all of his ornaments separate. I put them in their own box and tucked them in the hall closet so I could give them to him this year. To put on his own tree. In his own house. To do whatever he wanted with his own Christmas.
A lot has happened between then and now. He has his own place. And I'm not ready for that to change yet, to be honest. But somewhere around August things inside of me started shifting around, rather uncomfortably. I baby-stepped. I'm timid, with good reason. But softening, on most days.
A lot of wonderful things happened in 2013. I was not afraid to be alone. I drew boundaries for maybe the first time in my life. I graduated from nursing school and passed the board exams. I got a job, the best kind of job for me, and I'm slowly learning and gaining confidence. And a great deal of humility.
With that humility has also come a different sort of love for the man that I married. I am grateful that this year we were together. All eight of us. And it was happy and sincere. He loved getting into the Christmas spirit and giving and serving. He's so good at that anyway. It was comfortable to be together. There was happiness and cooperation. And laughing, lots of laughing. I don't have all the answers, but right now I'm asking myself different questions than I was at this time last year.
And I recognize that this picture signifies one of the most unexpected miracles of 2013.