For the Girls

I used to think that a bra was a bra.

Bras were embarrassing when I was a teen, being the oldest daughter and having to break in the budding breast territory for my younger sisters. A bra was a necessity, but one that should be kept on the down-low. Just buy it, wear it, and forget it.

My bras were standard and practical as a teen. Once my friend handed down to me her eyelet lace bra with a little pink flower in the middle, after she'd grown out of it, and I felt like a total princess. But it was a long time before I ever bought a pretty bra. One whose looks surpassed its functionality. And then it was around that time that I learned how drastically a good functional bra can change one's looks. And now, as they say in bra-lingo, I'm hooked.

I love that Everybody Loves Raymond episode where Deborah complains about Ray wanting her to have breast implants. She points to her chest and says something like, "These are not just for show, Ray, these were working breasts!" I laughed my head off. How I get the truism there!

My girls are not what they used to be. I have been pregnant or nursing for 99 months, and that can take a toll on perkiness. I used to shy away from anything padded, because of the stigma attached, and heaven knows I wasn't trying to enhance my size. I also used to be tempted by the 'natural cup' baloney. Then I got sick of everybody being able to tell that I'd been pregnant or nursing for over 8 years, or when I felt a little chill, or even got the goosebumps from a great piece of music! I didn't like what I was seeing in photographs of myself, and I had to start doing some serious bra research.

The heavens opened and angels sang the first time I bought a really good bra. What a difference! A good bra can make you look taller, younger, skinnier, and downright happier. I promise. And I usually think that a good bra should cost around $40. Do not skimp. (no pun intended) First, go get measured. You may be surprised. Oprah did a bra intervention show and more than half of the audience members were wearing the wrong size or kind of bra! Properly fitted, a bra should not only make your girls look better, but you should feel better, without back/shoulder pain, and without that bulging back fat that is so unattractive.

A good bra should have adequate outer side wall support to keep the girls in the front where they belong, instead of spilling around the corner like they tend to do as we get older (or heavier). A good bra should lift the girls up, as Oprah says, "to salute!" I love underwire bras for this reason. And a lightly padded bra keeps the temperature a secret, if you know what I mean. Straps should be wide enough not only across the back, but over the shoulders to properly do their job. And even when you bend over, nothing should be squishing or spilling out the top. The silhouette through your t-shirts and blouses should be smooth, not bulgy. That's just as gross as the muffin tops spilling over too-tight jeans. All hoisted up, the girls will make you look like the young vixen you used to be before your working days, and your torso will look longer and your torso flatter. Nice.

If you are not a good-bra believer, you must go immediately and become one. I just went to Victoria's Secret with Conor the other day and got myself re-measured (things change post-baby and after so many years.) Turns out I was a slightly different size and buying a good bra, the right bra has given me all kinds of youthful confidence and vanity. In a good way.

The girls salute you!

Making the Most of It

It's been a little over a week since my three older kids went to Arizona to visit their dad. And this is big:

I haven't cried yet.

Well, the night before they left I cried thinking about them leaving and not being around me, but just for a little bit.

in the airport before their early morning flight

This in no way implies that I don't miss them. I do. I bet they've even grown. But I think I needed a break.

As hard as it is for me emotionally to live my life sharing my children with their dad in another state, I realized how accustomed I'd become to having a long weekend or a week or so to myself every six weeks when they'd visit him. Because of circumstances in his life, moving several times and gearing up to begin law school this fall, they hadn't seen him since their Christmas visit. That was like, 6 months of hard core Mom duty with no break. (I know, I'm spoiled, right?) It was a seriously intense schedule, not just on the Momming end, but with my college schedule thrown in there as well, and having Conor begin intense speech therapy.

And?

I wanted the kids to see their dad. They've grown so much! Dylan grew 7 inches in this last school year! (That's a lot of jeans and shoes!) They missed him fiercely, and I had so much compassion for that longing in their hearts, a longing that as a mom I could not satisfy. I was anxious for them to get off the plane and have his eyes see them and feel that heartburst of joy, and grab them up in his arms and feel them and squeeze them. There's nothing like it, and half a year without them? I get all shaky and emotional just thinking about it.

So maybe this visit had less of my selfishness in it. Less of what I was losing out on for a few weeks. Even six long weeks. More of my excitement to share in the wonder of these amazing kids. What a process it's been for me.

Early on in our separate lives, it was torture for me to drop them off a mile away at his house for a weekend and drive home alone. Once we lived in different states, the impending drive would keep me awake for days: Five hours of gripping sadness in my gut as I felt like I was having my insides ripped out of me on the way there, and then five hours alone driving back sobbing and feeling completely shriveled. Walking back into my house, empty, would send me into a depression that I had to actively work to keep from taking over.

In those early years I was riddled with insecurities. I was convinced that my children blamed me for the divorce, or not so much for the divorce itself, as they knew their dad was the one who left, but somehow for the pain that they felt. My house became the house of duties and routine, and his house was fun and games and adventures. I couldn't compete even on a practical level, as school and scouts and lessons had to be done, and mostly on my time. I was desperately afraid that the woman in my ex's life would steal my children from me, as she had my husband. I was afraid that my kind-hearted little ones would come to love her more than me, or to prefer her over me. I resented her even getting to witness their lives, let alone have an active role in them. On a deeper level, I had fears that they would leave me, as he had, and that I was unlovable and unwantable. I had a lot of difficult emotions to work through, and some of them took years.

Later, I still cried and became emotional about their long absences, but I learned to make use of that time for rebuilding myself. I would take road trips to visit my best friend, I would read a lot, I listened to a lot of inspirational talks or firesides on CD, I sang a lot, I did things just for me. I learned to settle into the new pattern of my life and find something redeeming about it, something that allowed me time alone for spiritual and emotional growth.

Now, though I hate being away from my children, I don't begrudge them the visits one bit. I love that they love their dad. I love that they each have a good relationship with him. And I feel very secure in their incomparable love for me and my role in their lives. I feel content with my ex's wife's place as someone who loves and adores my children, but who could never take my place. I understand more of the way my children feel about the whole situation, and I feel settled. For the most part. And what a relief it is to my previously turmoiled soul. Let me tell you.

The last few years have been different because of Conor. I never really get a complete break anymore, but my mothering just has different requirements when the older ones are gone. I think, actually, that having him around has done a good deal to help me to not feel so depressed and alone when they leave. He has been a great comfort and distraction to me.

And in the meantime, I seriously needed a break. Not from my children, but from Seminary, school, college, early mornings and late nights, constant meals for growing teens, constant messes, and happy noise everywhere. I'm not even close to being ready to consider gearing up to do it all again!

I have a week and a half before Lyndsay comes home (she's only staying three weeks this time) and then another three beyond that before the boys come home. I want to make the most of it. For me, that means, reading, planting, cleaning, thinking, writing, praying, and just being. All of it fills me so that I can be ready to go full swing once they return. And just thinking about that moment when they walk off the plane and I get to see their faces after our long absence from one another and I get to hold them and kiss them. . .it gets me all happy inside.

I can't wait. Lots to do!

Summer Jobs for Kids

Summertime is ripe for boredom for kids out of school. The first few weeks are a break, but then too much free time begins to play havoc with once-active minds. I have found that children are happier when they are busier (though they may protest this fact themselves, but that just comes from that natural laziness factor). Busy hands and bodies keep kids out of trouble and developing confidence in their increasing capacities.

I say, "Make 'em work."

I really believe that children need to learn work skills and money skills from a very early age. Debt, consumerism, materialism, and selfishness could be headed off if the link between hard work and self-reliance is embedded in a child's mind. But it is admittedly hard to find things that kids can do to earn money, and to earn it frequently enough that they can really practice their budding financial skills, rather than taking their $1.25 to the store to buy a bag of candy.

I've posted before about our mission savings funds for the boys, and college/mission savings for Lyndsay. Small annual goals, that increase with age and maturity help the account to grow. When I was growing up, the oldest of nine children, most anything I wanted or needed past the age of 12 or 13, I needed to find a way to earn myself. I don't remember begrudging that fact at all. I remember feeling empowered, that whatever I wanted to get, or needed to get, I could find a way to get. I babysat, a lot, of course, but I also had a paper route for a while, and I spent a few summers working in my dad's law office. When I was old enough to officially get a job, I did, at Chick-fil-A, in the mall. And most times, I walked the few miles there and sometimes home, no matter the weather. That's just the way it was. And I'm grateful. I have sought to recreate that learning environment that came out of necessity, and still often does, for my own children, because I think kids today are far too indulged, and far too lazy. So, here are some of the ways that my kids have earned money, or could earn money. One important point I think is to create in children an entrepreneurial spirit, allowing them to take their ideas and run with them. Also, let them not have too narrow a focus. Sometimes the key to earning money at a young age is to have one's hand in several pots at one time.

And of course, here are the top three money guidelines that if learned from a young age, will bless financial lives forever:

1. Pay tithing first.
2. Set some aside in savings (if you're a kid, that should be most of it)
3. Keep the Sabbath Day holy and don't work on Sunday.

Having said that, here are some business ideas for kids and teens (and even adults!)

1. Babysitting. Of course. The old standby. And even boys can babysit. Since Lyndsay got her nannying job, several of her former babysitting clients have turned to Dylan, and he does a fantastic job. Babysitting pays differently depending on where you live in the country, but my kids have found it works best if they decide what they are worth (factoring in the area they live) and then letting the family know what they charge, rather than saying, "Oh, whatever you want."

2. Pet-Sitting/House-Sitting. For several years my kids have done this one. It's easy. They go to the house once or twice a day to care for pets and take in the mail. Often they walk to and from. They charge $20-$25/day. They've even been referred to complete strangers from other families, who, on the basis of the kids' reputation alone, turn over their house keys and leave for a week. That's a very nice compliment.

3. The Famous Lemonade Stand. But never, never sell just lemonade. You must have cookies and brownies. That's how you rake it in. Now obviously, you're not going to do this every single day, but kids could set a business goal to hold 3 or 4 lemonade/cookie stands in the course of the summer.

4. Gift-wrapping Service. Lyndsay was hired by a family that had hired her to do house/pet sitting before and was so impressed by her, that they asked if she was a good gift wrapper. I said, "She'll learn to be the best!" And she did. The husband bought gifts not just for his family, but for his employees and co-workers and wanted Lyndsay to wrap them all. There were over 100 gifts, and he supplied all the wrap, tape, and ribbon. Lyndsay charged $1.25 for small gifts and $2.50 for large gifts, and again, he gave her a key to his house (though you could arrange to have them dropped at your house) and she would go over after school and wrap for a few hours each time. It took about 2 weeks in all, and gave her some very nice Christmas spending money. If this sounds like a fun idea for your kids, prepare a flier and advertise a month or so before Christmas, because many people pay for professional gift-wrapping, and they pay a lot more than $1.25 or $2.50.

5. Car Detailing. My first husband had a job doing this and boat detailing when he was a teen and he was very good at it. Dylan has been hired to do the same from time to time. This is a job for a very conscientious kid, who has an eye for detail (and even perfectionism, when it counts). Sometimes he is hired to just do vacuuming of cars, because it's such a pain, but he does a great job.

6. House Cleaning. Lyndsay and Dylan have both been hired by others (and all of the kids by me) to do cleaning. They are all pretty good cleaners, which is important. You can't have some slobby kid advertising his cleaning business. They have gone to others' houses to do dusting, window/mirror cleaning, and other household chores. They are usually paid by the hour, similar to babysitting fees, but when I pay them, I pay by the job. Like, $2 per window. But I'm cheap, and I feed them for free.

7. Pooper Scooper. I know, I know, you laugh. But this is a great idea! Adam first cultivated this one for Dylan to have his own business, and I've read other places that it's catching on. Think about it: Lots of people have dogs. Lots of people go to work. All dogs poop. Most people hate cleaning up dog poop. Enter the desperate kid who wants a quick buck and some hero recognition. Seriously. Think about all the people that have dogs on your street. So, you make a flier and go door-to-door advertising your service of coming by once each afternoon or evening to scoop up the dog poop in the back yard. You charge anywhere from $1 (for a young kid or one small dog) to $3 (for an older kid and multiple dogs) per day. You don't go on Sundays. So you charge on average $10/week to keep the yard poop-free. Your child collects payment once a week, or once a month. For one house that is $40 a month! If your child is able to work for, say 5 families, that is some serious money! What if he got 10 families? And it doesn't take all that much time, but it teaches great principles like consistency, dependability, and the fact that no work is beneath him.

8. Recycling. I do this one myself, but I know lots of kids that do it too. Save the family's soda/water/milk containers and take them to the recycling center for cash. In our family, only Adam drinks soda, and we don't buy bottled water (except for food storage), so mostly we have Adam's soda cans and milk jugs, but I still earn about $10/month when I turn them in. I know it doesn't sound like much, but that's an extra $120 a year that I can buy food storage with! But what if you asked your neighbors to save their water bottles and soda cans? And you or your child had an agreement that you would come and pick them up once a week? Most people put them out on the curb anyway. I know of one family's teens that work together to collect recycling from neighbors and from baseball parks and they earn up to $400/month! This is another good one to add to a portfolio of jobs, and not have it be the exclusive form of income (unless you're working it like my friend's teens do).

9. Car Wash. Advertise that you're earning money for college, and get a bunch of kids together. Often times, businesses will allow you the use of their parking lot because it brings them business too. Maybe you could do this 2 times in a summer, work really hard, and then rake it in and split it evenly.

10. Yard Work! Dylan has a steady job taking care of the neighbor's lawn for $10/week (it's very small). Mowing, raking, edging, sweeping, weeding gardens or flower beds. . .these are all valuable skills to offer.

11. Dog Walking. Very popular here in L.A. Get your exercise, listen to your iPod, and make some cash! You can often walk several dogs at the same time, and you can arrange a schedule of 'regulars'.

12. Teaching. I know some teens that teach music lessons, swim lessons, sports lessons, or offer private tutoring. I know in our family, my ability to teach piano lessons has been a great blessing, and as my kids learn to play they will always have that skill tucked away for a rainy day. Learning not only a skill to pass along, but also the ability to teach others is very, very valuable. And private lessons pay very well.

13. Yard Sale/Ebay! Teens often have lots of old treasures just sitting around collecting dust and taking up space. Turn that into cash in the bank!

14. Cooking/Baking. I know some families who sell dinners and treats to other busy families. If you have a teen that loves to cook/bake, make up a flier, and offer to bring dinner or treats in to another family once a week/twice a week, or whatever! A night out of the kitchen and without turning to fast food could be a real boon to a busy mom, and would teach kids great skills in cooking, time management, and dependability.

I'm sure there are many other ideas. It's important for kids to learn to work and earn money, and if they have their own idea, go with it! We learn from success and failure, but mostly persistence. Set up a savings account and let them see their money grow. It is a terrific feeling. As they increase in capability and earning potential, require them to save more, but also require them to be responsible for more of their own needs. And don't feel badly about it! Better they learn these skills in the safety of your home, than the cold cruel world of college-life or married-life. And make sure they also do some work for free, at home, just because they're part of a family.

Now, get them to work! They will complain. The fun, and even the thrill of the buck will wear off, but push them through. When they complain, but do the work anyway, that's the time that character building is kicking in to high gear.

Have fun!

Wheat: The New Gold

Store wheat.

Now.

This is what has been on my mind for the last year especially. We have such meager means at this time, and always seem to fall short in so many areas, but by doing without what some might consider to be necessities (television, for example) we have been able to begin a food storage and self-reliance program.

One of the saddest days was when I moved here to CA from UT and had to leave my year's supply of wheat and grain and water barrels behind because there was simply no more room to pack them. I sold them to a few friends for a fraction of what I paid, and tucked my desire to be self-reliant into my heart with faith that we could begin again. We did. And then we ate it. And we began again. And we ate it. Times are tough! But we have begun again in earnest and the Spirit whispers to me with great urgency to continue in the path to preparedness. I cannot help but think of how all money now transfers to food. I would really like a DVD player for the downstairs. But, I think, for even the cheapest DVD player ($40) I could buy a bucket of wheat! It's a curse. But a blessed curse.

I believe in a living prophet. With all of my heart, I do not believe that God stopped loving his children enough to speak to them through a prophet on the earth. That did not end with the Bible. And whether you subscribe to my religious tenets or not, I believe that a prophet speaks to the whole earth, not just to members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I also believe that any time any of his children obey any of the counsel of his living prophet, they will be blessed accordingly. And I have too many people that I love and care about to not urge you to pay careful heed to what is going on in the world right now, and how it foreshadows calamities and disasters long prophesied of by the servants of God.

"The time will come that gold will hold no comparison in value to a bushel of wheat."

~Brigham Young

Here. Please read this.

The economy is weak, to say the least. Unemployment is rising. This is only the beginning, I fear. There will be the scourges, and pestilences, and diseases, and famines that have been foretold. And in those times, nobody will be counting carbs. People will want bread. Store wheat. Store more of it. Take care of what you are able to store so that it will last.

"The revelation to produce and store food may be as essential to our temporal welfare today as boarding the ark was to the people in the days of Noah."
~Ezra Taft Benson

I do not have a year's supply yet. But I do have some, and as I don't have a spare room or a garage, or a pantry, my buckets of wheat and other grains and foods sit right in my family room. An eyesore to an interior decorator, but a great source of peace and comfort to me.

"We will see the day when we will live on what we can produce."
~Marion G. Romney

There are ways to begin procuring a food storage for your family without going into debt, and without panic or fear. There is no need to go crazy and panic. There is a need to get busy. Pursuing preparedness brings a feeling of calmness and peace, a confidence that no amount of money can satisfy. If there is no bread, it doesn't matter how much money you have. Wheat is vital to our existence, and with prices expected to soar because of the worldwide shortage, it is the most important thing to begin storing.

"For the moment, we live in a day of peace and prosperity, but it shall not ever be thus. Great trials lie ahead. . .and we must prepare ourselves temporally and spiritually. . ."
~Bruce R. McConkie

After all, it only makes sense. Make sure your family is taken care of. Please. A prophet's warnings are literal, and only pride keeps us from obedience. Just do it. Start today if you haven't yet. Recommit if you have.

Here. This article ran in the L.A. Times just recently. This is real. I do my couponing and budgeting and buying in bulk and all of that, but in reality it is near impossible to store enough of what we normally eat to last for an extended period of time. I try to make sure that in an emergency, (and the variety of possible emergencies is getting greater and greater) we can at least eat bread and honey, oatmeal, and pancakes. We can stay alive that way. Above that is a blessing in comfort. Do what you can. Just please do something.

"If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear."
Doctrine & Covenants 38:30

*For a very inspiring blog post about food storage, I like to read this oldie from my great friend, Luisa. The pictures make me very happy. Go check it out.

To Be Offended, or Not to be Offended--That is the CHOICE

A million things a day could offend me. If I let them. It's funny, really, how much energy people spend just being ticked off or ruffled by somebody else's words or actions. Who has the time?

The author of a very popular blog that I follow announced a few days ago that she would be taking a break from blogging. The post that heralded her hiatus was self-deprecating, all in good humor, proclaiming her need to rejuvenate and find her voice again, and now she is dealing with readers who are calling it quits because they just can't take her. . .her what? Her style? Her 'snarkiness'? Her view of the world? Her self-proclaimed 'professional narcissism?

Who cares, people? What's a blog anyway, if not one's own personal shrine? Get over it.

Some readers protectively responded to the disgruntled comments with things like, "If you don't like what you read, don't read!" That's fine advice, I suppose. But when you really adore someone, can't you just adore all of them? Do you have to go looking for a reason to stop adoring? Is every ounce of you just so adorable?

Wait, is this becoming personal?

But seriously, why can't we all just get along? Let cJane be cJane, for heaven's sakes! She's a pro at it! It's the perfect gig for her! Take it all with a grain of salt and see her soul, that blessed soul. Cut her some slack. She never once claimed to be humble. That's part of her charm!

And the rest of us?

I try very hard to not be offended. I'm quite aware of my own shortcomings. I'm painfully aware of how many times I have said the wrong things, or haven't said the right things. I have to allow others at least the same amount of foibles as I have dancing around me.

I just wish that when I am willing to offer charity and a little lee-way to others, that it could be returned. That the forgiveness I am willing to extend could be thrown in my direction every now and then. That maybe something about me could be adored enough to allow the rest to be endured.

And not just me, but all of us. I'm even talking to myself here. Life is so short, so the cliche goes, and why spend one nanosecond of it all bent out of shape? It's exhausting and debilitating.

I've known people who have chosen to stop coming to church, any church, because they had become offended by something someone did or said. I've known people who have left professions that they loved and felt fulfilled by because of some offense. I've known people who have abandoned long friendships because one day somebody said the wrong thing and that just broke everything. It seems silly to me. Especially when we're all so imperfect and in need of so much forgiveness ourselves.

Not to say that we have to endure prolonged injustice or abuse, but we all know that legitimate injustice is not at the heart of most hearts marinating in seething offense. Most of the time it's silly stuff. Inconsequential stuff. Sometimes we stay offended, forgetting what the original incident even was!

It just feels good to brush it off. Let it go. Forgive. Forget about it.

And it's a choice.

Dear Jon and Kate

Ours is a weird, kind of one-sided relationship. You have no idea who I am, nor do you probably care, and yet I feel like I know you and your family inside and out. TV can do that. I also feel like Oprah's one of my closest friends, but I digress.

You know, people have had very strong opinions about you from your very first episode. Opinions about your choice to use fertility treatments, opinions about your decision to carry all six of the babies to term, opinions about whether or not you are exploiting your children by agreeing to have camera crews practically living in your house, and very heated opinions about your marriage.

For the record, Kate, I've been a defender of you and your marriage and your family from the get-go, even on this blog. Yes, I'm aware that you're bossy and controlling and insensitive and sometimes downright b*tchy (excuse me, young readers), but still I said, "Well, we haven't walked in her shoes." And, "I'd probably be that side of crazy too if I had six 2 year olds. (or 3 year olds, or 4 year olds, etc.) We all have personality flaws, and we're usually more aware of them personally than others give us credit for, but still I tried to focus on all of your strengths. I do believe you love your babies, all 8 of them. I believe your most fervent desire is to be a good mother and to raise a joyful family. I commend you on your hard work to keep your children and your home in order, and on all that organic cooking you do for them to build their healthy bodies. (Though may I say that I don't believe organic lollipops are any healthier than regular lollipops--you may be disillusioned on that one.) I have a lot of kids myself, and mothering many is a very heavy, full-time load. I don't know that I could do what you have done for the last five years.

And yet.

When the rumors began to circulate about Jon and his young companion, I was heartsick. When everything started to hit the fan and an "announcement" was to be made on Monday, I still held out hope that the two of you were going to announce a reconciliation and not a divorce. Stupid me. And now I'm really angry at both of you.

Kate, you honestly expect us to believe that the show had nothing to do with your marriage falling apart? Maybe you should sit down with the last 5 years of footage you now have and watch from the beginning. Very. Carefully. Now rewind it and watch it again. See what all of America means? Yeah.

You two were just a couple of Average Folks before this media madness. You had fertility problems, you suffered heartache and longing, you found joy in the twins, you worked hard, you struggled to make ends meet, you wanted 'just one more baby', you found out you were having 6 and you trusted God to take care of the details as you exercised your faith in accepting and rising to the challenge both physically, emotionally, and spiritually. But the two of you really loved each other. You complement each other. You tried to do right by all those little ones and build a life. And you were broke.

Believe me, I get that part.

Here comes TLC wanting to feature your unique family, and it was a hit! And the rest is history, so to speak, at least as far as the money was concerned. Freebies galore (which by the way I do not begrudge you one bit) and doors opened to you in every direction. Suddenly your family is afforded privileges that most of us could only dream about (and frankly some of those dreams are nightmares when considering you tote along 8 little children for all that fun!) But you do it, and you do it thoroughly, I'll give you that. But you've both changed. And the show has everything to do with that.

That's how it works, guys. Money and fame change things. Don't you read the tabloids? Well, maybe you don't now--that would most likely be humiliating for the two of you, but you know what I mean. It's the classic Hollywood Syndrome: A nobody gets a little popular, then a lot popular and suddenly that nobody has money and attention, and plastic surgery and personal trainers, and personal shoppers, and young cute 'fans' of the opposite sex, and voila! A broken marriage and a splintered family. Hang in there and drug abuse and eating disorders may be just around the corner.

Jon, you're acting stupid. Some young teacher? Really? Like you didn't think you'd be followed and photographed? The late nights and the boozing it up is ridiculous, and not your best self. Okay, I get it. Kate is a lot to handle, and you need to get a teensy bit more of a backbone. But still, buddy, you're the one who picked her and made vows to her not once, but twice. And I feel for you about the whole being tied-down thing, being thrust into fatherhood-gone-wild while still in your 20's. Growing up fast. Losing job after job and struggling with feelings of failure and inadequacy. You men have that natural tendency to run. Now you're sporting the tattoos and hair plugs and that tan, and thinking you may have another shot at youth. Well, let me tell you, your other shot at youth is in the lives of those 8 children who call you 'Daddy'.

And Kate, c'mon. Drop the hard exterior. You can still be competent and in-control as far as your mothering and housekeeping duties go, but also maintain a soft neediness for your husband. You can't keep putting him down on national television, even as a joke, and then act shocked when he goes looking to be needed elsewhere. We see you all tan and fit. I saw the tabloid photos of you spanking Leah, and I thought, (not my first thought, but that's a different post) "Wow! Look at how buff her arms are!" That takes some time. Some makeover time, which I have a feeling you're heavy into these days. The hair, the makeup, all those stylish clothes. We really liked you when you were sweatpant and t-shirting it, letting Jon take you shopping. You're losing sight of things, under all that glamour.

So, now you're splitting up. "In the best interest of the children". And now you want us all to think you're so noble by claiming that the new $1.1 million dollar home is the children's and that you both will take turns living there when you share visitation. Yeah. That should work out real swell. You're both delusional. And Kate, "the show must go on?" I can't believe you said that! Girl, you just gave America a wide-open view into your soul with that line. I thought it was about the kids and not the money?

Bravo to TLC for halting the show. Frankly, the two of you should have set aside the dollar signs and made that call yourselves. For the sake of the children. Yes, your children want you to stop fighting. So stop fighting. That's different than 'get a divorce'. You two have been through so much. I don't even pretend to understand. But here's what I do understand. Betrayal. Adultery. I get those two things loud and clear. You can come back from those. In private. For the sake of your children. With all the history that the two of you have, even despite the put-downs and frustration, I know the two of you love each other too, and you've both become selfish since stardom knocked down your door. You should both be in full-swing soldier mode, hunkering down, batting down the hatches, and gathering your little army close in love. Just admit that you've gone a little crazy. Nobody really blames you for that. It's understandable, though regrettable, but you can turn this whole ship around at any time.

I've read your book. You give God all kinds of credit for seeing you safely through the years of infertility and that difficult pregnancy. You claim to honor God and even more, to trust in Him. You couldn't provide for your family, and you trusted in Him. Look at what He gave you! Look at how He's cared for you! And look at what you've done with your end of the bargain. All of life is a test. Don't blow it. God has given you a rare opportunity to show a fractured-family world a better way. If your focus is truly on your family, then focus on your family. America doesn't need any more breaking up. Crap happens. So can repentance. And forgiveness.

I'm just really disappointed with the both of you. Your children deserve much better. It isn't the big huge house or the trips that make them happy. It's your family, and if you take that away, no amount of anything else, whatever it is, will fill that void. I know what I'm talking about. I'm even kind of hypocritical saying all of this right now, but I've trained myself to see what's worth saving, and you guys are worth saving. Coming through this you could really emerge better than ever. If you wanted to. If you'd both put down your cell phones, sunglasses, and divorce papers long enough to try. In private.

I understand the pursuit of happiness.

You're pursuing it in the wrong direction.

Just in case you wondered how I was feeling.

A Second Set of Eyes

I have a problem. My two year old is a backseat driver. It's ridiculous. This is what it's like:

Conor: Go, Mom!
Me: I can't go. The light is red.
Conor: Red?
Me: Yep, see the light? Red means stop. We can't go until it turns green.
(The light turns green)
Conor: Go, Mom!
Me: I'm trying! I have to wait for the other cars to go first or I'll hit them.
Conor: Alright.

Later, as we approach an intersection when the light is turning yellow.

Conor: Orange!
Me: It's yellow, Conor, and I can still go through.
Conor: Orange.
Me: Whatever, Conor.
Conor: Not green, Mom!
Me: It's okay, Conor. Just let Mommy drive.
Conor: Alright.

Later, as I make a right hand turn on a red light.

Conor: Red, Mom!
Me: I know, Conor, but there's a rule that says you can turn right even when the light is red as long as no cars are coming. Why am I explaining traffic light rules to you anyway? You're 2!
Conor: No, Mom, RED!
Me: Just be quiet, Conor.
Conor: Alright.

Later, on the freeway.

Conor: Run faster, Mom.
Me: I'm going as fast as I can, Conor.
Conor: Run faster!
Me: Do you see these cars? If I go faster, I'll hit them! Just let me drive!
Conor: Alright.

Stopped at a red light, which then turns green.

Conor: Green. Go, Mom.
Me: You better be quiet back there. I'm serious.

Who taught this kid to talk anyway?