Figuring Out the Campus

On Wednesday afternoon, we decided we'd go up to campus to start walking around and getting a feel for things.  I was immediately intimidated by the parking situation, feeling like there was no way I could find a spot, then find my way around campus, and finally find my car again at the end.  Education Week was going on at BYU, so it was especially crowded.  But we lucked out after almost an hour of searching and parked the car.  Then what?  I mean, where to start?  I had only been on the campus one time before, about 15 years ago when I came to visit a friend, so I had no idea.  I tried to play it cool so that my daughter's anxiety didn't rise to uncontrollable levels.

The thing about BYU is that everyone is so kind.  People stopped to help us just because we looked completely bewildered.  People offered to walk us to different buildings, to share with us their experience on campus (for one man, there for Education Week, it was 40 years ago!), to give us advice and mostly pass on excitement to Lyndsay about what a great time she will have.

There's the famous "Y" on the mountain.  Lyndsay will be hiking to that later this week.

We found the Creamery right away (actually, before we found a parking spot) and had to go in for ice cream cones and to scope the place out.

Once we were officially on the campus, we just started locating buildings, trying to orient ourselves.  Here's Lyndsay standing in front of the Brigham Young statue, which stands in front of the Abraham Smoot Building, an administrative building.

 Then we started searching for Helaman Halls, her dorm, so that we could locate everything else in relation to that.  Kind people who saw me photographing her, would stop and offer to take a picture of the two of us together.

And we found it!  Here is the Cannon Center, the main hub of Helaman Halls, where the cafeteria is located, another smaller Creamery, and study rooms, rec rooms, etc.  She'll be spending a lot of time here.

And here is her hall!  Her new home-away-from-home will be here, in Stover Hall.  As of Saturday evening, she is now officially moved in.

Here we are walking from Stover Hall, back toward the Cannon Center.  I love this campus, can I just tell you that?  I love the feeling there.  I'm so happy that my daughter gets to be there, and I wish I could be there studying too!

Now, back on the main campus, this is the atrium of the library, which extends very far to the right of this photograph.  This part is new since I was last here.  And the library also goes under ground to the left of this photograph and those smaller bluish glass structures there are the skylights to that portion of the library.  The library is huge.

We went to the Bookstore and printed off her booklist and I showed her how to locate her textbooks.  She's already done all that now, and is ready to go.  At 5pm, Jyssica, a friend from our ward, who is just about ready to graduate from BYU, met us on campus for a more informed tour.  It was so nice to see her face, and comforting to Lyndsay to have a friend and see how fondly she talks of her experience here over the last years.  We got Lyndsay's fall schedule, and Jyssica walked us to each of the classes so we could see right where they are.  Fortunately, Lyndsay's schedule is pretty compact and she doesn't have miles to go between classes.  It's going to work out beautifully for her.  And she won't feel quite so lost on the first day.

I took pictures of Lyndsay outside of her classrooms, kind of as a joke, but also because I like to have a picture in my mind of where she is and imagine her in class, learning so much.  This is outside of her Biology classroom.

And here she is in her New Testament class, which will be her first class of Fall semester.  Currently, this room is getting new seats.

The Testing Center is a new concept to me, but it sure is a beautiful building.  Tests don't happen in class during normal class time, but rather class goes on as normal and you are expected to go to the testing center during an assigned window of time and take exams on your own time.

This is the Maeser building, where a lot of the Honors classes are held.  This is actually where Lyndsay's Late Summer Honors Program class was held, so she's spent a lot of time here over the last week.

Jyssica was a huge help to us.  She answered our questions, and I know Lyns has already texted her with other questions that have come up.  I'm so happy for Jyss, who has grown up so beautifully, and matured into a lovely young woman.  And she found herself a very charming husband while here!

After our tour, we went to (my favorite!) Cafe Rio for dinner.  Lyns and I shared our favorite Pork Barbacoa Burrito.  So super yummy.

And then we went back to Kelli's for the night, and goofed around with her for a bit.  Also, some Face Time with Aiden and Conor back home, who had finished their second day of school.  This was my last night with Lyns.  In the morning she would move onto campus and begin her LSH class.

(Look!  My legs are almost as white as my pants!)

Goodbyes are Hard: Easing our Way to BYU

Monday night was hard.  It was Lyndsay's last night here in our home, before everything changed.  Many of her friends came by to see her, give her sweet gifts (like a beautiful scrapbook filled with pictures of memories they've had together), chat, laugh, cry.  I was up in my bedroom packing, and finishing Lyndsay's journal.  See, the day I found out that I was pregnant with Lyndsay, I bought a little hardbound journal and I wrote an entry in it.  Before I knew if she would be a boy or a girl, or what her name would be.  Throughout the pregnancy I wrote, then her birth, then her babyhood, toddlerhood, childhood, etc.  My feelings for her, cute things she said or did, milestones and achievements.  Of course, as more children arrived (whom I also keep journals for, which all began on the day I discovered the pregnancy), the entries become more sparse, but the plan was always that when she left for college, I would give it to her.  Up until then, it's always been in my possession.  There were enough pages left for one final entry, and on Monday night I sat on my bed in tears and wrote that final entry.  When her friends had gone home, she came into my room to hug me and I burst into tears in her arms.

"Do you think," I said, "that if we don't go to sleep, that morning will never come?"  She was game to give it a try.  The sweetness of that embrace, and the many others that would follow it over the next several days will forever be imprinted in my memory.  My grown up girl.  We've been through so much together.  I handed her the journal.  "My baby journal?" she said, and she began to cry.  "Yep, it's all finished," I said.  "Please, please don't lose it."  It was so hard to turn it over to her.  Her whole life, from my perspective as her mother was written in those 160 pages.  I'd re-read it that night, remembering her growth and fun memories.  She's always astonished me, and I could see how blessed she's been and how all things have led her to this moment in time, right now.  She was so grateful, and very emotional in receiving it.  I hope she will read it, at moments when she is alone, when she is missing her former life, her mom.  She will be able to read my love for her, my testimony, my blessing for her.  She will laugh at funny things she may or may not remember.  She will feel not so alone.  She will know how tremendously loved and treasured she is.

When I went to my bedroom, I turned and saw her through her bedroom door, sitting on her bed with her laptop.    I wanted to memorize the sight of her, there in her room, on her bed, as a thousand times before.  She looked up at me and we just locked eyes.  And then I went to her and hugged her some more.  "Go to bed, Momma," she said, "You need to sleep.  I love you so, so much."

I love that she calls me 'Momma'.  Sometimes 'Mommy', but usually, 'Momma.'

I couldn't even cry about the boys' first day of school in the morning.  That emotion barely registered on my radar, as it usually does.  We met in the living room for a final family scripture study.  We talked about King Benjamin's promise that if we kept the commandments of God, we would prosper.  We talked about what prospering means, and how each of us can prosper in different ways in different times in our lives.  I told them I knew that promise was real and true, and how I want for each of them to prosper.  We prayed together.

Then it was time for Aiden to leave for school.  His goodbye to his sister was heartbreaking.  Those two are so close and have spent so much time together.  He is going to seriously miss her, and she him. He tried to be tough, but I couldn't even get a First Day of School picture of him because his face was too red and teary-eyed.  I hate it when my kids have heartache.  I wish we never had to say goodbye to each other.

Conor had his moment with Lyns as well.  He gave her lots of love, and she gave him some sisterly advice.  Poor Conor always has to say goodbye to his siblings, and he's so young, I hope he has memories of what it's like living with them at home.  I know my younger siblings don't really remember me being at home.  That's so sad.  He adores Lyndsay.

But then he was off, to his first day of First grade.  I walked him to school.  His teacher is a good friend of ours from church, and the mother of one of Lyndsay's best friends, so he was very comfortable going to school this time.  Not at all like last year.  Thank goodness.

His good friend, Irwin, is in his class too.

His teacher let the parents come to the classroom and help the students find their desks.  Here is Conor sitting at his new desk.

Then, I walked back home to do the hard part.

Lyndsay was all packed up, lying on her bed.  "Scoot over," I said, and I lay down next to her.  She was having a hard time saying goodbye to her room, to her memories, to her childhood.  A lot is staying here in her room, and I promised her it would all stay the same, to which she replied, "But I won't be here."  So much of her is in that room, and she loves that room.  It was last summer that Aiden and I repainted it to surprise her, remember that?  Oh, how the year flew by.  Eventually, she was ready, and we headed out to the car, which Aiden had packed up the night before.

She didn't want to go.  Yes, she knew it was right, but she's like me: sentimental and emotional.  She wanted to stay in the safety and familiarity of home.  It was so hard to be strong for her since my heart wanted that too, but we took turns being strong for each other.

We first stopped in town for a pedicure.  A last little treat for my girl.  Not that we talked all that much.  We were both feeling so sad.

But Lyndsay wanted her toes to match her dorm.  I'll miss those feet!

I drove most of the time, but Lyns did give me a little break.  I fell asleep for a tiny bit and when I woke up, she confessed that she thought about turning the car around and heading back home.

When I saw the "Welcome to Utah!" sign, my eyes filled with tears.  But we stopped in St. George with Amber.  A baby step into Utah.  Some moral support from one of my favorite people, who is getting ready to send her daughter off to BYU in Idaho in a few weeks.  And, who is handling it a lot better than I am.  Here is Lyndsay talking to Aiden and Conor on FaceTime.  We'll be using this app a lot in the coming months and years.

My favorite homegirl.

 Lyns and I wore our matching pajamas that we got on our trip to Las Vegas this summer.

In the morning, we headed up north.  We stayed with my cute friend, Kelli, who is now married and has the sweetest little guy of her own.  Kelli was one of my Laurels when I lived in Show Low and we spent a lot of time together, especially after her mom passed away when she was Lyndsay's age.  But she was also my babysitter when she was younger and she's known Lyndsay since she was 3.  In fact, I still have the pasta necklace that Lyndsay made for me one night when Kelli was babysitting her and Dylan.

Here is Daxtyn, one of the cutest, most joyful babies I've ever seen.  What a love!

It was so good to see Kelli again.  She did my hair for my wedding to Adam, and she came to visit when Conor was a baby, but it had been years!  I love this girl.  We had a fun time singing our Moulin Rouge songs together like we used to way back when, and remembering our memories from when she and I took a trip to Vegas together for her 18th (and my 30th) birthday.  Holy cow.

Being with her was a sweet diversion.  And Kelli being there so close to my girl is a huge comfort to me.  In fact, all of Lyndsay's stuff is stored in Kelli's car right now and Kelli will be the one to go up to campus on Saturday evening and help Lyns move into her fall dorm.  (She is in a temporary dorm for Thurs-Fri.)  I love the way God takes care of us through good friends along our way.

The day we got to Kelli's, Lyndsay and I headed down to campus to get a feel for things and to start learning our way around.  I'll post that part later.  And then we spent our last night together at Kelli's house.

We're Leaving in Three Days, But I Don't Think We're Ready

Oh my, it's overwhelming.  Both of us are so distraught that we've become useless.  She cries, I cry.  It's breaking my heart.  I don't know if I'll have the strength to leave her in Utah and drive home alone.  I want her here with me.  I want her home.  I want her to be 3 again.  5.  10.  13.  15.  (She was so great at every age.)  Any age but 18 years, one month, and one day.

Today Lyndsay went to Target and bought the remaining items on her registry.  She received so much help in the form of cash, giftcards, and gifts, for which we are both so incredibly grateful.  She is pretty much on her own financially, but she's well-prepared.  And while it was so fun to purchase all of these new, pretty things for her very own space, it is also really hard for both of us.  She is such a homesick girl when she's away, and she and I are tied at the heart.

But now, somehow we have to pack all this stuff up and make it possible for her to transport it without a huge entourage.  When I drop her off for her Honors class, she will be in a temporary dorm and though I will stay for a few days, I have to drive back home before she will be able to move into her assigned dorm.  So, we'll have to figure out a way to store all of her things for those days and then a way for her to get them all to her new home.  No, her new dorm.  Her home is here with me.

Though each dorm room (of 2 girls) has a sink and mirror, the showers are shared with the whole floor, so it was recommended that the girls have a shower caddy.  Here's Lyndsay's:

She's got everything from razors, to face wash and moisturizer, to flossers, to shower gel, to toothpaste and mouthwash, and deoderant.  Of course, shampoo and conditioner too.  She can just tote this to and from the shower.  I did buy her extra bathroom supplies so she won't have to worry about that.

And here's her little medicine chest, should she have a need:

I hope we covered every base.  She's taking vitamins and apple cider vinegar too.

I sat on her bed and cried a bit tonight.  I can't believe that in a week I'll be back home, having done the deed, and this room will be clean and empty of my girl and her STUFF.  Of course I know that this is the only way it can be.  For her growth, for mine.  I'm so lucky to have her and to have the relationship with her that I do.  She is such a source of comfort and strength to me, and has become such a dear companion.  Life is about to change, and it will never be the same again.  I'm not ready to think that it will be better somehow.  I just wish I could freeze time.

On the wall of Lyndsay's room is a print I bought for her years ago when she was about 7.  It reminds me that this stage of life is part of the plan.  If you can't read it, it says, "I know the plans I have for you. . . plans to give you hope and a future.  --Jeremiah 29:11"

My plan for her, her Heavenly Father's plan for her.  Beyond this pain, I know her future is bright.  And I know she will always love coming home.

Canning Annie's Salsa

I have no idea who Annie is, but her salsa recipe is famous on the internet.  I didn't know this until I posted on Facebook that I was going to can salsa today and my sister Hannah eagerly suggested that I google Annie's Salsa and make that recipe.  This was very helpful information because I was going back and forth between canning books and various internet recipes trying to decide which direction I was going.  With Hannah's hearty recommendation, I stopped looking and started acting.

Working in batches, I washed the tomatoes.  Then I plunged them in some boiling water and then into ice water and slipped their skins off.  I hate this part.  I prefer it when I get to use my food mill, but we were going for chunky and not pureed this time, so I played by the rules.

Here are the tomatoes, all embarrassed by their nakedness.

Then came the part I hated even more: coring and seeding the tomatoes.  Good Night that took forever. And the kitchen sink and counter looked like a murder scene.  Thankfully, Lyndsay came in to help at this point and it went much faster with another pair of hands.  Then the tomatoes were diced up, drained, and put into the pot.

To the tomatoes we added the onion, garlic, bell pepper, jalapenos, cilantro, and spices.

Annie's recipe calls for a can of tomato paste and a can of tomato sauce.  For texture.  I followed those directions, but I'm not sure if I would if I ever make salsa again.  Just sayin'.  We'll see how we like it.

Finally, after hours of chopping, everything is in the pot and it is boiled for 10 minutes.  Then it gets ladled into clean jars and processed in the water bath for 15 minutes.

Annie's recipe says it yields 6 pints.  Other places online that have her recipe say 6-8 pints.  I got 9 (one is in the fridge), so I'm not sure how I got that far off.

Oh, I hope this is good!  And I hope the kids are ready to eat a lot of chips and salsa!

(Sorry I didn't have the good camera for these pictures!)

It's the Final Countdown

I am staring at the final week I have with Lyndsay in my home.  She's about ready to fly from the nest.  I have so many feelings stirring within me.  Where did the time go?

(Lyndsay's first Christmas.  We're wearing the matching nightgowns my mom made for us.  Now, all these years later, Lyndsay has hair, and mine is gray.)

How do we make the most of these last days?  I mean, I have been so conscious of the time I have with her, and we really have "lived it up" the best that we can.  I'm thankful that looking back I have very few regrets.  We learned together, she and I.  She was just as much my teacher as I was hers.  Oh, how grateful I am for the 11 years I had her in my homeschool.  And, the books we've read together, the miles we've walked together, the meals we've cooked together, the laughs we've shared.  And even the pain.  She's been a witness to my pain, just as I've witnessed hers.  What a joy it's been to grow up with Lyndsay.  She is a treasure to me, of such value that it brings me to tears to think she was entrusted to my care.  

But now, she's feeling such anxiety.  She doesn't want to talk about leaving, or school, or the future (the future is 8 days away, I remind her). She wants to just freeze time and stay right here.  Man, if part of me doesn't wish that could be.  I wondered if we tip-toed through this last week, maybe time wouldn't take notice of us and forget to tick and tock.  And yet the other part of me knows that we're better off stomping and dancing around through these last days of Life As We Know It, because happiness comes from living it all to the fullest, with gratitude bursting.  And Time doesn't much care how we feel anyway.  It will bless us in the end.

I see myself in her. Eighteen years old, and a whole world of discovery and growth and joy ahead of her.  She's already lightyears ahead of my 18-year-old self.  She won't make some of the mistakes that I made at her age, but she'll make her own.  

I hope she's ready.  I hope I prepared her enough.  I keep going through mental checklists, making sure there's not something really significant that I missed.  Last night we did another planning session together, rearranging her schedule of classes again.  I hope she's not in over her head.  I know she's so capable and I know she's a hard worker.  I also know she's trembling inside, and that she relies on me, and I won't be there to catch her.  But here she is, all grown up, ready to go and do what has been in the plan all along.  I am bursting with pride.  And my knees are knocking.  It's a new stage of life for me, as well.  

This last week I can't cry too much.  She can't take it, emotional as she is right now.  I have to be the strong one, pepping her up, full of excitement: "Oh!  It's going to be so much fun!  You're going to love it!"  It's a tough act, let me tell you.  And I'm very much alone in this journey I have to make, which makes it a bit harder.  Oh, how I'll miss her face around here.  And yet, I'm so happy she will be somewhere else.  

Okay, my job this week is to make Lyndsay's Favorite Things.  She's expressed several times how much she will miss my cooking, so I've had her tell me all the things she wants me to make before she leaves. It's a lot of chicken, folks.  But we'll fill her up with her favorites.  

We're starting off with Baked Creamy Chicken Taquitos and Monkey Bread.  This is going to be a fun food week.  It's just what we need around here.  

My Dad Called Me a "Saucy Lady"

Well, I knew the tomato plants were heavy with fruit, but I was just so busy with the kids all here that I had to put them off.  Until today.  When Aiden woke up I armed him with a bowl and a little brother and told him his job was to harvest tomatoes!  He and Conor were out there for a good thirty minutes, and they only came in for another bowl.  And then a bag.  And then another bag.  When the job was done, I was looking at a first harvest of 39.4lbs. of Romas!  (With lots more to come!)

The kids had dentist appointments today, so we went and did that, and when we came home I had a few hours before piano lessons to get the sauce started.  I used a recipe called "All-Purpose Tomato Sauce" from Canning for a New Generation, by Liana Krisoff.  I'd never canned tomato sauce before, though I always make it from scratch (or in the winter, at least from canned tomatoes.)  This recipe is a basic tomato sauce that can be herbed up for spaghetti sauce or pizza sauce or enchilada sauce.  And it smelled heavenly.  Each batch made 4 pints, but I couldn't ever see myself wanting just a pint of sauce, so I used quart jars instead.

I washed the tomatoes and cut them in quarters and the boys ran them through the food mill for me.  Each batch needed 12 cups of tomato puree.  For two batches we used about 26 pounds of tomatoes.

In a large pot, I added a tablespoon or so of olive oil and sauteed two onions until translucent.

Here are the tomatoes going through the works.

Then I added three or four cloves of garlic to the onions, sauteed them just for a minute and poured in the tomato puree, bringing it to a boil, and then reducing to a simmer.

You can see in the beginning there is a lot of water in the tomatoes.  That needs to simmer down and reduce until it's thickened up.  I let it simmer for about an hour and a half.  Maybe two, I'm not sure.  But you can tell when it's done because it gets thicker (like tomato sauce!) and the color gets darker.

This is just about done now.

I sterilized the jars in the dishwasher while the sauce was simmering.  Then into each quart jar I put a teaspoon of citric acid to boost the acid content and keep the color fresh.

Then I just filled the jars, leaving 1/2" headspace, wiped the rims, and put the lids and rings on them.  Into the water bath they went, which was brought to a boil and then processed for 35 minutes.

There they are, cooling on the counter!  Hard to believe it took nearly 30 pounds of tomatoes to get just four quarts and a half pint (I'm calling that one pizza sauce) of sauce!  But, oh, it will be so good!  And I still have about 12 pounds left that I'm thinking of turning into salsa.

Easy, peasy!  And I made it all by myself.  From seedling to sauce.

All Together Again: Day 8

Today was very low-key.  Cleaning, laundry, packing up.  Dylan ran some errands with Lyndsay and they came home with Slurpees for everyone.  Dylan and Adam played some ping-pong.  And I decided we'd eat a very early dinner so that I could make one of Dylan's favorite meals and send him off with a full tummy.  His flight was at 6:35pm and he wouldn't get to Phoenix until after 8pm, so there wasn't really a good mealtime there and I didn't want him to get off the plane famished.  So I made teriyaki salmon and rice for dinner at 4pm and an apple crisp for dessert, which we were all able to eat together.  One more time, all of us around the table.

Then Dylan said his goodbyes, and we packed up the van.  I drove him over to Brad's house so he could say goodbye, and then we headed to the airport.  I got a pass to go back with him, and we sat together for about an hour and a half before it was time for boarding.  Sometimes we talked; sometimes we sat in silence.  I gave him a Mom Pep Talk about the new school year (which starts on Monday for him) at a new school, working hard, staying focused and out of trouble, making good friends.

I asked him what his favorite things about his visit were.  Six Flags was number one.  The beach number two.  The Dodgers game number three.

I asked him if he felt my love while he was here.

He said yes.

I told him again how very much I love him and how I'd been looking forward for so many months for this time with him.  When it was time to board, and I stood in line next to him with tears filling my eyes, he grabbed me in a hug and said it was a good visit.

Man, I love that boy.  And just when I was getting used to seeing his face around here, he's gone.

But I think he was right.  I think it was a good visit.  And we needed that.

'Til we're all together again. . .