Idea Binder and Blackberry Buttermilk Cake

I enjoy the occasional magazine. I've subscribed to Family Fun, Martha Stewart Living, Cooking Light, and Eating Well at various times over the years. I've had free subscriptions for a few others before too. Magazines can be a great jumping off point for ideas, which is what I love about them. Ideas for birthday parties, holiday traditions, what to make for dinner. . .

But magazines stack up quickly, and before you know it, you've got piles and piles of magazines, each with one or two "must-save" ideas, that you can never find to use. So, many years ago, I started my Idea Binder. It's silly, really, but it works for me. I just bought a basic three-ring binder and lots of page protectors. When magazines come in the mail, I browse through them and any good idea that I see that I think is worth saving, I tear that page out, and then toss the magazine. (I really work hard to keep down clutter.) Then, I slide those pages into the page protectors in my binder. That way, it's like a big magazine perfectly customized to ME, minus all the gross recipes, stupid ideas, and ridiculous advertisements.

I have sections for each holiday, that might include crafts, gift ideas, or recipes:

(Because you know how you see an easy, cute idea and you think, "Oh, I can remember that!" but you can't?)

I also have sections for birthday cake ideas, home decorating and gardening ideas, and then various recipes I might find:

I go through my binder periodicially, (like every few years) and clean out my ideas. Sometimes things no longer appeal to me, so out they go. And I like to browse through and remember my ideas to bring new life to holidays or family time. So, that is what I did over the weekend. I cleaned out my Idea Binder.

On Monday, it rained. Hard. For most of the day, which as you know, is like a dream for me. I decided to treat myself to some homemade hot chocolate and homemade vanilla marshmallows (an idea from my binder, many moons ago!) I made these gifts for a few people over the holidays, and kept some for myself, minus the cute packaging. Both are super easy to make, and both are such indulgent treats.

As the gray afternoon rolled on, I felt a coziness that required baking. You know what I'm talking about. And Family Home Evening was coming up, so I remembered a recipe I'd recently slipped into my Idea Binder for a Blackberry Buttermilk Cake that I'd torn from a Bon Appetit issue, and realized I actually had a bunch of blackberries from a sale over the weekend. Perfect. Let me vouch for this recipe. It is really, really delicious. And the smell as it bakes is heavenly. I highly recommend you tuck this one away. In your Idea Binder. :) I'm giving you links for these recipes instead of typing them out, so that way you can just print them out and have a nice copy for yourself.

(And I wish I had a good camera to do it justice. The cake is beautiful too!)

You should definitely give this one a try!

Summer Flashback: Star Wars Zoo Day

I was looking through photos tonight and realized I'd forgotten to post these pics. (I think.) Late this summer the Los Angeles Zoo hosted Star Wars Day. I knew I had to find a way to get Conor there. Our zoo membership had expired, but luckily my friend, Carrie, also has a Star Wars obsessed family and a membership, so she offered to let Conor and I tag along on guest passes.

Two things about that day:

1. It was very cool. As in, Star Wars cool.

2. It was probably the hottest day of the summer. (Can you tell from Conor's red, droopy face in that top picture?) And the lines were other-worldly. Like, from a galaxy far, far away.

I love his expression here.

We also saw Han Solo, Princess Leia, and some Ewoks (majorly cute). Some of the creatures were stationed by animals that they have similarities too for "educational" purposes. The Ewoks, for example, were over with the koalas. I desperately wanted to see Jabba the Hutt, who was to be parked over by the hippo, but the negative thing was that they had many of the Star Wars characters scheduled to appear at various times throughout the day, to extend the fun. Figures. Jabba wasn't scheduled till late in the afternoon, and there was no way we were staying for that long. Like I said, hottest day of the year. I don't know how those Stormtroopers wore their costumes for so many hours. That would be like a death sentence for me. Anyway, it was thrilling for Conor, who loves his Star Wars.

We also made a quick stop in the petting zoo:

I love this photo. This poor goat was sleeping in the stifling heat. Conor took full advantage of the opportunity and started burying it in sand. He ended up completely burying his leg there, and then I had to stop him when he started pouring sand on the goat's head. Meanwhile, the goat never woke up.

He did some good, though, giving this sheep a quick grooming.

Gotta love the zoo.

Objects vs. Agents

This Christmas, Adam and I agreed not to buy each other presents. It was the first time we have ever done that, but money was just too tight to feel good about spending any more on gifts, even if they were needed gifts. It actually was just fine. Long ago for me, Christmas became much more about the giving anyway. However, the fact that we were not exchanging gifts, did help me to justify a small purchase on my own behalf when a coupon for Deseret Book came in the mail. I treated myself to David A. Bednar's newly released book experience, Increase in Learning. I call it a book "experience" because it is different than other books in that it comes with an accompanying DVD with supplemental discussion and learning segments, as well as an in-depth interview with Elder and Sister Bednar. The margins are also quite wide in the book, allowing for note taking and inspiration recording. He writes in the beginning that this book is not meant to be a "quick, casual, or relaxing read," and he is right. This is one to be chewed on, pondered over, and then, acted upon.

The subtitle of the book is "Spiritual Patterns for Obtaining Your Own Answers", and one of the main principles taught is acting as agents rather than as objects. I love this theme. Elder Bednar says that he does not know of a "principle more central, important, or essential to spiritual learning than the principle of acting as agents and not being acted upon as objects." I agree.

I think that so often in the gospel, when we talk about this gift of agency that we've been given, we focus its definition on our ability to choose, when agency encompasses so much more. Agency gives us the power to act as agents. Act, being the operative and most illuminating word there.

Two weeks ago, I introduced this theme to my children for our Family Home Evening lesson. Conor sat in on the discussion with hopes for a Chewy Toffee Almond bar at the end, but the discussion was geared much more towards the older children. I told them to picture a big rock, sitting there in the forest. A hiker walks by with his stick and starts beating upon the rock. Over and over, the hiker beats upon the rock. What does the rock do? Nothing, of course. It sits there and takes it. It has no choice in the matter. Now, what if someone comes up to you wielding a big stick, poised to bring it down upon you? What do you do? You probably don't even let it strike you once! You quickly dodge out of the way! That is the fundamental picture of the difference between an object and an agent. I gave other examples for them to begin to separate these two states of being. Then, I turned from actual objects, to examples of when we, as humans who actually are agents, choose to act as objects. What would that look like?

Waiting for things to happen to them in life.

Blaming the circumstances of their life on what has happened to them.

Excusing our behavior on "that's just the way I am."

Following the crowd: "I had no choice" mentality.

Standing still with information given to us, waiting to "see if it's true," instead of exploring, praying, seeking revelation, and acting in faith.

Etc.

I gave examples from the scriptures of agents: Moses stretching forth his arms to part the Red Sea. An object Moses could have gotten to the edge of that huge body of water and given up. "Well, Israelites, looks like we're dead. No way we're crossing this! Oh well! Sorry 'bout that!" But instead, it was an act of agency that caused Moses to act in faith and stretch forth his arms over the sea.

Joseph Smith, reading the Bible and then deciding to act, and pray in faith to put the words of the scripture to the test to seek an answer to his question. An object Joseph Smith might have read that verse and then thought to himself, "Well, if it's true, then the answer will come." And then, without action, it wouldn't have.

God invites us, constantly, to be agents. To use the agency he has given us. Not just to choose, but to choose to act. That is how spiritual learning takes place. It's also incredibly empowering, especially when we live in a world where victimization is the flavor of life. I wanted the children to think of their own lives in these terms, to start an awareness of acting as agents instead of allowing themselves to be acted upon as objects. So, I challenged them to spend the week looking for examples and then come prepared the next Monday to share an experience when they acted as an agent, and one where they allowed themselves to be acted upon as objects.

Yes, Sunday night I had to remind them. Still, their examples the following evening did not disappoint. With great clarity, they had gotten it! They had examples from everything from their attitudes toward learning difficult material in school, to relationships with friends, to piano practice. Aiden shared how he knowingly sat in the room while Dylan started watching an inappropriate movie (far worse than Children of the Corn, I assure you.) thinking, "Oh well, he's the one who put it on, not me," until I came in, caught them both, and quickly turned it off. He confessed in our family meeting that he knew it was not a movie he should be watching, but he allowed himself to be acted upon in that moment, rather than to call Dylan out on his choice and suggest they change it for something else, or to simply get up and leave. Even Conor, who I swear has a gifted intellect for such a little guy, offered his example:

"Well, remember a long, long, long time ago? (Last Thursday) When we had that really, really, really hard math test? (kindergarten math assessment) Well, it was so hard and I did not understand what was going on and there were all of these bubbles to fill in and I did not get it and what the teacher was talking about, so I just sat there and didn't finish my test? I was being an object."

We took each of our "object" examples and then talked about what we could have done to act as agents instead. It was really cool to see them get it. Our ongoing challenge is to be constantly on the lookout for opportunities to turn object moments into agent moments, and to share our examples of using our agency. We will turn these moments of awareness increasingly over to our responsibility to act as agents in our spiritual learning and development.

David Bednar writes:

"Parents have the sacred responsibility to help children to act and to seek learning by faith. And a child is never too young to take part in this pattern of learning. Giving a man a fish feeds him for one meal. Teaching a man to fish feeds him for a lifetime. As parents and gospel instructors, you and I are not in the business of distributing fish; rather, our work is to help our children learn "to fish" and to become spiritually steadfast. This vital objective is best accomplished as we encourage our children to act in accordance with correct principles--as we help them to learn by doing. . .The spiritual understanding you and I have been blessed to receive, and which has been confirmed as true in our hearts, simply cannot be given to our children. The tuition of diligence and of learning by study and also by faith must be paid to obtain and personally "own" such knowledge."

That, then, is the lesson we teach. And not just at Family Home Evening, but with the lives they watch us live.

My Girl

Lyndsay's such a complete package of a person. She's so beautiful, and people tell her all the time that they're afraid of her because she's so pretty. (Girls are weird, aren't they?) They're afraid she's going to be snobby and stuck up because she's so pretty. But then they find out she's just as kind and genuine as she is lovely to look at. She's also silly and lots of fun, with the most infectious laugh ever.

But here's my favorite thing about her:

She was at the New Year's Eve dance, and I noticed that she'd left her bedroom light on. Again. No, that's not my favorite part of Lyndsay.

Then, I noticed that her room was a mess and her bed wasn't made. Again. Nope that's not my favorite part of Lyndsay.

What stopped me in my tracks was how I saw her, right there on her bed. Take a look:

All her girlie-girl stuff spread all over (THE HOUSE), as always. She's such a girlie-girl, which I love. But nope, not my favorite.

Look more closely.

A little closer! Here it comes!

Yes! There it is! She doesn't just have cute nails, she's a total nerd!

Brains and beauty. That's my girl.

Hawaiian Haystacks and Lyndsay: A Sort-of New Year's Eve Story

Tonight is New Year's Eve. I just drove Lyndsay and her friend back over to the friend's house, where her family is hosting a pre-dance dinner for the youth in our ward before they go to the Stake New Year's Eve dance. (didya get that?)

I knew from an inside scoop that they were serving Hawaiian Haystacks for dinner, so I mentioned it in the car as we drove. Lyndsay had never heard of them. "Really?" I said (maybe that's kudos to me, or not, I'm not sure.) "Oh, I've got a great Hawaiian Haystacks story that actually involves you, if you'd like to hear it."

Well, who can turn that down, right?

I told her that way back when, I had a visiting teacher and very good friend named Shannon Oaks. She was one of the very first friends I had as a newly married woman, herself newly married. She and her husband, Dan, became great friends of ours. I can remember her bringing me her amazing homemade cinnamon rolls when she would come visiting teaching. Man, they were good. Well, one day she came for her monthly visit, and by this time, she was great with child, as they say. We got to talking about pregnancies, and I mentioned that my period was late. "How late?" she asked. "Three weeks," I remember saying. And her eyes bugged out of her head.

"Three weeks!?! You're pregnant! Are you kidding me? Take a test!"

I was filled with excitement and anticipation over her excitement and anticipation. Looking back, I'm not really sure what I was waiting for, except that I didn't feel any different (that gross part would hit in another 2 weeks and about knock me off my feet for the next 4 months.) and I wasn't sure when was the right time to take a test to be sure. You know, we were poor college students, and a pregnancy test was no chump change.

So, I bought a test. And I took it. And she was right! A little baby Lyndsay was growing!

Well, she gave birth to her first daughter, Amanda, and she and Dan bought a condo and moved out of our ward. Months later, my husband and I bought our first home and we moved out of the ward also, but we stayed in touch. I'll never forget bringing Lyndsay home from the hospital. She was wearing a little pink onesie with a pink ribbon headband adorned with a silky white ribbon rose. Shannon and Dan (and baby Amanda) were the first to come over to see her and to bring us dinner. (Here it is!)

Hawaiian Haystacks!

A classic dish of the 80's, carried over into the 90's by well-meaning Mormons everywhere. Comfort food. She had all the components in separate bowls for us to construct our haystacks. Rice, chicken, green onions, olives, cheddar cheese, mandarin oranges, pineapple, tomatoes, crunchy chow mein noodles, and of course, the chicken gravy. They were delicious! Of course, I was a ravenous newly postpartum mom whose nipples were blistering and bleeding and whose episiotomy was on its way to becoming infected, but even without those factors, I remember how loved and cared for I felt as I ate that delicious meal made by my first friend as a married woman.

So, I've never made Hawaiian Haystacks myself, that I remember, though I can recall plenty of ward parties where they were served. But every time I think of them, I think of Shannon Oaks, and baby Lyndsay, all fresh from God. And me, a brand new mother, with no idea of what was coming my way in life.

A sweet memory. I often wonder what ever happened to Shannon Oaks. I miss her.

I pulled up to the friend's house, and the two girls jumped out. "Enjoy your Hawaiian Haystacks!" I called.

"We will! And now we'll always think of that story whenever we eat them," Lyndsay said, her friend laughing and agreeing. And just before she closed the car door, she said, "Love you! See you next year!"

Her last year at home.

Funny how Hawaiian Haystacks are now both a first and a last.

Christmas Traditions

Christmas was really great. Would it be awful of me to say that it's okay with me that it's over? Because I'm exhausted.

We celebrated Christmas a day early this year. Because our children have two families, we only get to have December 25th every other year. This was hard in the beginning, but I decided that it was just important that we had Christmas all together, not necessarily what day it happened to be.

I love traditions. We have traditions like Christmas music beginning the day after Thanksgiving (which is also when we usually put up the tree.) and sleeping under the tree the first night. We read a scripture about Christ each night in December, followed by a Christmas story and family prayer. We have advent calendars. We try to do one family service project each week in December. And we make graham cracker houses.

I put off doing the houses until Dylan could be home with us, and I was glad I did. He may not even be fully aware of it, but I think our traditions have meaning to him somewhere deep inside, and I wanted him to know that he is a valued member of our family.

So, the kids got to work and turned out some pretty cool creations this year:

Another of our traditions is to go caroling around our neighborhood. We saved this one for Christmas Eve so we could have Caitlin and Sean with us. Sometimes, by the time we get to this activity, I'm so tired that I start to justify in my mind why it would be okay to let it slide just this year. But I never say anything out loud, because I can't let the troops know I'm weakening. There would be mutiny. Every year, when we knock on that first door, my heart fills with warmth and happiness and I'm so glad we're out there doing it. Our neighbors have come to look forward to it each Christmas season.

When we got home, we did our scripture reading, and then I had a treat prepared. The Giant Cinnamon Rolls from Mel's Kitchen Cafe. This is an ingenius idea, and a delicious one too! Except that rather than "glaze" them, I frosted them with cream cheese frosting, like Cinnabon. We had egg nog too, and watched a Christmas movie (Elf) before sending the kids off to bed.

Naked.

Frosted. So delicious. I highly recommend.

Of course, we also did the Christmas Eve jammies. And we took our annual family picture in front of the tree. Our 7th picture together. Wow.

Christmas Day itself was wonderful too. Of course, it was Saturday for us, so we didn't have to rush off to church. We opened the presents, I made breakfast (Overnight Caramel Sticky Buns from Our Best Bites.....again, highly recommended. So easy, too.) and while the kids played new Wii games and watched movies, I took a nap. Then I resumed my place in the kitchen preparing lunch and snacks and treats for munching on throughout the day while we hung out together and played games. (Settlers of Catan? Awesome.)

The tradition that seems to flow through every holiday is that I spend a lot of time in the kitchen. Cooking, baking, cleaning up. Eating, cleaning up. Cooking more, cleaning up more. Over and over. I ran the dishwasher three times each day. Having Dylan here seems to multiply the food consumption by a factor of 10. In the five days he was here, we went through 7 gallons of milk and 6 pounds of clementines. And loads of other things. But it is gratifying to feed growing children!

The other tradition is that I finish up the holiday tired. Needing a break. Some peace and quiet. Some fend-for-yourself meals complete with paper plates. Some reading time.

And guess what? That's the (one?) plus of divorce. I just dropped the three big kids off with their dad in Arizona and up next for me is my tradition of decompression and relaxation.

It might be one of my favorite traditions.

My Dad is My Favorite Guy

You know I love my dad. I really do. He's incredibly intelligent, interesting, witty, gentle, and humble. He's experienced a lot of loss in his life, but never of his faith, which shines so brightly that it can even illuminate the pathway of those around him. It has for me. He is my hero and a mentor to me, and still, even at my age, nothing thrills me like making him proud of me. He's been there for me during some very lonely, trying times. Those experiences have bonded us at the heart, above and beyond the ties of father and daughter.

And yet, it had been almost three years since I'd last seen him. He lives ten hours away, and with his work and my schooling (etc.) the chances to visit become harder to find. But when Aiden turned 12, I really wanted my dad to ordain him, if his own dad couldn't, and my ex-husband was very supportive of that. He, too, loves my dad. My father has been a pivotal priesthood example to my children, baptizing all of them, blessing them many times, ordaining Dylan, and taking Lyndsay and Dylan to the temple with family names. I wanted to carry on the tradition with Aiden.

He and his wife, Raelene, were scheduled to come the weekend following Thanksgiving, when Aiden turned 12, but then a job transition made that impossible at the last minute, so we rescheduled for the following week. The visit had to be rescheduled again, when the day before they were set to come, they had a huge snowstorm which dumped several feet on them and closed the roads off the mountain. So, this last weekend, we made plans again, and hoped for the best. It was tricky for me, with it being the weekend before my nursing finals, but Aiden was so anxious for his ordination, and I wanted my Dad!

What a great visit it was. In fact, the only thing missing, was Dylan. But we had a wonderful Sunday with the rest of the kids. Dad conferred the Aaronic priesthood upon Aiden and ordained him a deacon, and gave him a most beautiful blessing. All of us were there for that. I am so excited to see him get to pass the sacrament this next Sunday.

On Tuesday, I kept Aiden home from school, and we took Lyndsay out early, and we all went to the Los Angeles Temple to do baptisms. When Lyndsay and Dylan were old enough, Grandpa took them and we each did 100 family names. Amazing! Aiden was really, really excited for this special day. He was quite the trooper and he did 157 baptisms! Lyndsay and I each did 64, and then we shared 50 names with three other women who were there to do baptisms. Dad was in the font the whole time and performed them all! I must say, there are few things greater than being in the temple with your children. It was a marvelous day, and a great first experience for Aiden, which I know he'll remember forever. I love that my children can have these memories with their grandfather.

We're all pretty lucky to have him.