All Together Again: Day 5

Today we set up a swim day for the big kids.  A friend in another ward has a really cool pool with an amazing water slide and they welcome others to use it.  I wanted the kids to have some sibling time without Mom around, so they could just relax and enjoy themselves together.  They took three siblings from another family with them, packed a picnic lunch (well, with Subway sandwiches), and away they went.  I stayed home with Conor and cleaned and did mountains of laundry.  I gave Lyns the camera and asked that she please take pictures!  

 Crazy Aiden.

There goes Dylan!  Pretty cool water slide, huh?  Not that I'll ever go down it, but the kids sure love it!  And climbing up all those stairs helps to really wear them out.

Then in the late afternoon, we packed up and headed over to Dodger Stadium for a baseball game!  I was giddy with excitement.  Baseball is pretty much the only sport I really understand, know the rules to, and can follow.  Plus, my dad is a huge baseball fan and he took us to games as often as he could when we were kids.  For that reason, I'll always be a Phillies fan, but I like to root for my home team too.  Tonight's game was against the Diamondbacks, who used to be my home team (and is Dylan's current home team), so I thought it worked out perfectly.  We got seats in the All-You-Can-Eat Pavilion, and that was a good idea.  We had such a good time.  Even though the Dodger's got creamed.

The big kids.  We had Lyndsay's friend Emily come along with us too.

And you know Conor's gonna jump in every possible picture.

My brown-eyed loves.

And the blue-eyed crew.  Dylan was sick of the sun being in his eyes for the pics, and being all squished up, so he said he was "done."

And he was serious.

Man, we had a good time, though.  I loved sitting by my Dylan boy.  He cracks me up, that one, and it was such a nice feeling to just all be together laughing and cheering our teams on.  And he and I got to be driven crazy by Conor who was like a caged animal all night long.  I suppose in his defense, we did arrive 2 hours early and baseball games are long.  One of the highlights was when he picked up his giant pixie stick, upside down and poured the powder all over his lap, his shoes, my shoes and feet (in sandals!  Gross!) and the guy next to us.  Yeah, we were a hit.

We were out here, Center Field, first row.  We actually really liked our seats, and we got to watch Andre Ethier and Matt Kemp real close the whole night.  Awesomeness.

Love us some baseball!  What a great night!

All Together Again: Day 4

The Sabbath.  

I had decided well ahead of time not to sabotage this day.  I did not call Dylan and remind him to bring Sunday clothes.  Whatever will be, will be, I resolved.  I'm not giving any more of my Sabbath days to grouchy teens.  I need them too much in order to get through the rest of the week.  

In fact, last night I just casually asked Dylan if he'd brought his Sunday clothes and he said no.  Then he said he wouldn't be going with us because he didn't feel comfortable.  I replied that everyone is always welcome at Church, proper clothing or not, current belief or not, and that if he wanted to join us, we would be leaving at 8:45am.  About ten minutes later he said he guessed he'd go.  

In the morning, he guessed he'd come after Sacrament meeting.  We left without him, and without hard feelings.  I was a little relieved, actually, because when he came with us during his Christmas visit he was so irreverent and disruptive that I was in tears.  

The meetings were fantastic.  One of our missionaries played a viola duet with the piano, a beautiful arrangement of "I Know that My Redeemer Lives."  It was so moving.  And in Primary, where I serve as the chorister, I got to have the entire hour for singing time and we played a Tic-Tac-Sing game I'd prepared to help review our Program songs.  The kids loved it and we all had a great time together.  I always come out of Primary on Cloud 9.  

But Dylan never showed up.  And when we got home, he wasn't there.  

The kids were concerned that he should "get in trouble" for not coming, for lying.  But I wasn't mad.  I really wasn't even disappointed.  That's where he is right now, I said.  And we can't let his choices bring us down, when we're the ones that went to Church.  Let's just have a happy day.  He came through the door a little while later.  He'd met a friend (who was on his way to Church himself) and they'd gone to McDonald's.  

No comment.  

I made a 7-layer bean dip for lunch.  We took naps.  Dylan wanted to leave again to go hang out with some friends, which we normally do not allow on Sundays.  I told him I'd like him to stay for Family Home Evening first (which I'd planned to hold tonight instead of Monday night since we're going to a baseball game tomorrow night) and then he was free to go. 

I'd thought hard and prayed long about what we should talk about in FHE.  I didn't want it to be too religious or preachy, because I was sensitive to Dylan's feelings.  But I wanted it to bring us together and create an atmosphere where the Spirit could be felt, if invited.  Family was the topic.  More specifically: What You're Made Of.  I wrote to both of my parents and asked them for ancestor stories that illustrated positive character traits.  I got some great stuff in return.  

A World War I adventure/mystery/love story from my dad that takes place on two continents.  

Pioneer journal entries from my 3rd great-grandparents who traveled separately across the plains (they weren't married yet) from my mom.

This is my great-great-great grandfather, Edmund Lovell Ellsworth, who led the first pioneer handcart company across the plains.  We read from his diary, as well as from his future wife's, Mary Ann Jones. We talked about the sacrifices they had to make, the courage they had, their great faith to suffer deprivation and loss all because they believed in a living prophet and wanted to be near him.  That's what my kids (and me) are made of.  They can suffer loss and heartache and keep on walking.  And they can turn challenges into victories.  

Then my mom sent me this other cool story about her 8th Great Grandfather (my 9th, the kids' 10th), Salvatore Muscoe Sr., who was an Italian stone cutter.  He had moved to London after the great fire of 1666 and his skill as a stone cutter was employed in the rebuilding of the city.  He worked under the direction of Sir Christopher Wren in the construction of St. Paul's Cathedral.  I showed the kids some pictures of St. Paul's Cathedral so they could appreciate the beauty and majesty of that impressive structure, the intricate detail of the stone work.  Dylan, who's toyed with the idea of architecture, seemed interested.  This is who you come from, I told them.  You are made of talent and hard work and an eye for beauty.  This building still stands as a witness of what you're made of.  Salvatore Muscoe Sr. emigrated from London to Virginia in about 1685.

We talked about how each of us is connected to all who have come before, and all who will come after.  They were given the privilege of being born in this country because of the decisions that their ancestors made before them.  They were given the privilege of being born members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints because of the decisions that their ancestors made before them, and all of those ancestors who came from royalty, the ancestors who were soldiers and fought in great battles throughout history, and the ancestors who crossed the plains as pioneers are still aware of them (and me!) as family and are ever-present, hoping that we will take what they prepared for us and pass it on.  I told them that there really aren't any choices that they make that only affect them, because we are all connected.  Decisions they make will affect generations to come and they can take the gifts of their family history and press forward in faith and courage and determination.  Even in the face of hardship and struggle and loss.  That's the legacy they've been given.

We will be a family living in three different states in just a few weeks.  But my hope is that we will remain connected to each other, and that our choices will reflect that as we go on to do great things in life.

I hope they were listening.

All Together Again: Day 3

Today would be better.  I told the kids to be ready to leave at 8am for a hike in Eaton Canyon.  At the last minute, Dylan decided he didn't want to go because of his chronic knee pain.  He felt sure his knees wouldn't be able to handle it and then he'd just be hurting for the next few days.  The other kids were pretty annoyed by that (thinking that it was kind of a cop-out excuse since he doesn't always baby his knees), but I put them in the car and talked with Dylan privately for a while.  I know he's so super frustrated by the pain in his body.  He's so young and he feels like he's been cursed with a faulty body that holds him back from the things he wants to do.  He feels like doctors can't help him and there's nothing he can do and it's incredibly discouraging and frustrating to him, and I think it's the pain and frustration that colors his outlook on other things in life.  He feels like it's just not fair.  And it isn't, true.  We talked about that too.  My heart breaks for him.  We had a nice chat and in the end, I left the decision up to him whether he joined us or not.  He opted to sit this activity out, so we left him at home.  

Eaton Canyon is in Pasadena, and hiking it was on my summer goal list.  Though there are several different hikes in Eaton Canyon, we wanted the waterfall one, and according to the internet, it was 1.5 miles each way, so we brought Conor along.  

Yeah, it was not 1.5 miles.  At least 3 each way.  At least.  But we had a good time, and it was beautiful, not too hot, and great exercise.  At the end of our trail was the waterfall (not too substantial since it's been such a dry summer, but exciting nonetheless. It was a pleasant reward.  The boys took off their shirts and shoes and played in the water.  

On the way back, Aiden and Sean hiked in the (mostly) dry riverbed, while Lyndsay, Conor, and I hiked on the trail, crossing the streambed periodically.  After some time of not seeing the boys, we decided we'd better wait for them on the side of the trail, since their hike was more cumbersome and time-consuming than ours.  But they didn't come, and they didn't answer our calls (as in screaming their names calls, not phone calls---Aiden had the backpack with the cell phones, water, and car keys in it.)  Conor was very worried.  "They're lost," he kept saying.  "They're never going to find us."  

"Have some faith, Conor," I'd reply.  "They're good scouts and they know how to follow a trail."  We decided to keep walking after waiting about 20 minutes, thinking that even though we hadn't seen them, surely they would think to work their way toward the trail head.  We got a little farther down the trail and saw a small crowd gathered looking at something.  It was a huge rattlesnake slowly slithering in the bushes just off the trail.  I had never seen a rattlesnake so big!  We watched it for a while, and then it moved to cross the trail, which it did, leisurely.  We gave it space, but man, was it cool to see!  Just after it slithered into the bushes on the opposite side of the trail, out of sight, around the corner came Aiden and Sean.  Finally!  Turns out, they had decided to sit and wait for us, thinking they were ahead of us on the trail.  No matter, everyone was safe, and we hiked the last bit to the end.  We were tired!  We had hiked for over 3 hours.  And listened to Conor micromanage the entire way.

We stopped for In-N-Out burgers on the way home and then we showered and rested a bit.  Adam took Sean home, and I took my kids out to the mall so Lyndsay could get a few things she needed and I got Dylan some things he needed for the new school year.  We walked over to the Americana and watched the fountains, and then headed home.  For dinner I made cheesesteaks, and the kids hung out in the family room watching America's Funniest Home Videos.  The mood was so much better.  

Some pics of the day:

Some of the trail was easy like this, just packed sand.  But other parts were a little trickier, climbing up and down rocks and crossing the streambed.  Not too hard, but definitely challenging for Conor.  He was such a trouper!

Aiden was heroic, sometimes carrying Conor across the rocky parts.

This scene?  All of them in one room, getting along, and laughing together?  Makes my heart so happy.

All Together Again: Day 2

Today was hard, I'm not gonna lie.  Lots of issues coming out, the natural result of the distance between us all, figuratively and literally.  But these things happen, and hopefully bring with them some mutual understanding and forgiveness.  I can't really write about any of it.  But there was some good, too.

Dylan got to spend some time with one of his closest friends today.  I sent the big kids and Brad (Dylan's friend) to the movies in the afternoon to see Batman.  I nursed a migraine and some anger and hurt feelings while they were gone, and then I got up, and got to work.  I cleaned off the back patio, set up tables and chairs, and prepared a taco salad bar dinner out back.  Brad stayed for dinner, and Sean (my stepson) came over too.  After dinner and clean up, we watched the movie Hugo (very, very good!) waiting for it to get dark outside.  When it was dark, Dylan and Brad got a fire going in a makeshift fire pit that I borrowed from my friend.  Then we sat around the fire and roasted marshmallows for S'mores.  (I look at these pictures and think how ghetto this is, but it was a fun idea, and we had a good time.)

S'mores Lyndsay's way: Graham cracker, Peanut Butter Cup, marshmallow, Hershey's chocolate, marshmallow, graham cracker.  Like a S'more Club.  My friend gave me the idea for using the peanut butter cups instead of the chocolate bars, and oh, my, I'll never go back.

Late that night, I put the fire out, took Brad home, and went to my room heavy-hearted.  Life is not how I'd hoped it would be, at least right now.  My kids are growing people now that definitely have their own feelings, opinions, wounds, and baggage.  They've had pain I wish I could take from them.  In some ways they're jaded by it, cynical and pessimistic about life, love, religion, etc.  I never want the journeys that they are each on individually to divide us as a family.  We suffered much of the same pain, but experienced it in different ways, and they have had pain and trials that I never had to experience as a child.  Sometimes, because we spend so little time together, it's hard to see through all of that STUFF to the love that we have together and all the shared history we have.  I worry tremendously.  I'm trying to consciously step back and honor their discoveries as they become who they were meant to be, realizing that it's a process, and there will be more changes to come in that process.  I need to have faith in them, to honor them, and just to love them.  But at the same time, I need to honor myself and set boundaries that I adhere to.  It's all so delicate and complicated because such tender feelings are involved.

But this is part of being All Together Again.

All Together Again: Day 1

Oh, Happy Day!  I barely slept last night, and was up early showering and getting ready to head down to the airport.  When my boys walked through the gate and my eyes first glimpsed them, I couldn't help the tears.  I am so glad they're here!  I haven't seen Dylan since Christmas (man, he's tall!) and I've missed Aiden so much this summer.  I have one week with all of them together before life really changes, and I want to soak up every minute of it.  

Today was low-key.  The kids played around in the livingroom, catching up, having a good time.  Mostly getting bossed around by Conor.  I took Dylan and Aiden for haircuts and then to get Dylan a few things he needed.  We ate stromboli for lunch and the zucchini cake I made for Dylan (his favorite).  In the evening I took the kids out to Descanso Gardens for the Thursday Night Summer Concert.  We packed a picnic dinner: Pasta Salad with Chicken, crackers and cheese, watermelon, peaches, strawberries, and Orange Cream sodas.  The music was Cuban Jazz.  Dylan wasn't so sure a picnic would be a fun idea, but we had a good time.  It's such a cool crowd out there on concert night.  We chatted, and the kids played Skip-Bo.  We brought Lyndsay's friend, Minely, with us as well.  I just  love looking from child to child, just watching them, noticing the changes that have taken place in their faces, their personalities.  Time goes so fast, and I sure miss days gone by.  I want my Dylan to know how very much I love him.  

Here are some pictures from the day:

More fun tomorrow!

My Boy is Coming!

My boy is nearly a man.  He's tall, he's broad-shouldered, muscular, deep-voiced.  But I love him still as I loved him when I very first held him as a baby: with all my heart.  And I miss him so, so much.  In the last year that he's lived with his dad, I've only spent eight days with him.  8!  I know he's off doing what he needs to do, and having great experiences with his dad, becoming more of a man.  I know he's learning things that I couldn't teach him, and I've heard from many that these are the years that a boy is the farthest from his mother, whether he lives with her or not, but man, do I miss my Dylan.  My thoughts are always turned to him.  My heart always reaches for him.  Somebody is always missing around here, that's for sure.

And next week I get to see him!  On Thursday, my boys come home and I get to have all of my children together for one week.  Of course, I want it to be perfect, for everyone, and I know it won't be.  I just need to let go of that.  I wish I had so much to offer him, and all of them together.  I spent the day reworking all of my plans for the week we're together.  Activities, day trips, meals.  But the most important thing is that the house is bursting with love.  No expectations of perfection, no criticisms or focus on mistakes of the past, just free-flowing love.  In that way, I could have done better with Dylan, I think.  I'd never parented a teenage boy before, and I'd certainly never been one.  I didn't expect the shift that occurred in my boy when he entered adolescence.  I tried too hard to rein him in and didn't trust him enough to let him just become.  I did a lot of things right, and I know I definitely tried my best, and am still trying.  I just love that kid so much, and I miss his face around here.  His blue eyes, his laugh, his constant jokes, his voice.  I hate missing his life.  All of the experiences that he's having, he's having without me.  I hope someday he wants to share them with me.  I would be his captive audience forever for the privilege.

I am preparing to savor every moment of being All Together Again.

Conor Learns to Swim

This is so exciting for me!  My lovely and generous friend, Luisa, invited Conor to join her children for swim lessons this summer.  Unbeknownst to her, this was an answer to prayer, as teaching Conor to swim has been on my list of things that I needed to find a way to accomplish.  I was so, so grateful and Conor was over-the-moon excited.  So for the last few weeks, we've been going to swim lessons, which has not only been fun for the kids, but a treat for me to sit and chat with such a good friend.

Yesterday, I walked by the pool toward the end of lessons, and lo and behold, Conor was swimming!  I was so excited!  There he was!  He has learned to kick off the wall, swim with his face in the water for a few strokes and then roll to his back and float for a few breaths, and then roll back and start swimming again.

Now, granted, he's not all that graceful yet, but my little guy is doing it!  I'm so proud of him for not being afraid, and for being a receptive, willing student.  One of my very favorite things about being a mother is watching my children learn new skills and seeing them grow in their capabilities and confidence.  This summer has been very satisfying in that way.  Yay for Conor!