Sunday, March 17, 2013

Reboot Day 3

I'm in the Sweet Spot of cleansing.

Day 2 was so much easier. I really didn't struggle with any cravings, and I felt less sluggish and achy. In the afternoon, we had to make the trek back over to IKEA to pick up Aiden's desk, which was now in stock, and I thought it would be fun to take the boys to see the new Oz movie. I knew we would be gone for a long time, so I planned ahead.

First, I made a pitcher of juice and drank the whole thing. Then, I packed baggies of vegetables and some fruits, along with a water bottle, and stuffed my purse full. We got the desk, we headed over to the mall (where the movie was playing) and we had three hours to kill. We found a sale and got Aiden some shorts and t-shirts, since he's already outgrown the shorts I bought him at the beginning of the school year. Also, a new white shirt and tie for Easter. We walked around and looked at this and that, and then headed to the Food Court so the boys could eat.

Aiden chose two entrees from Panda Express, and Conor, a slice of cheese pizza. Two things I love to eat. But I didn't even feel tempted. Instead, I reminded myself that these things will always be available and I can have them another time. This may not seem like anything to you, but I have realized that I have a slight hoarding problem when it comes to food, and that is sometimes why I eat when I don't need to. I even hoard in my body!

Growing up in a large family with not much money, food was like gold. I was well aware of the struggle it was to put food on the table much of the time, and I appreciated the food my mom prepared. I think back and love her even more because I've experienced many of those struggles myself, trying to keep children's bellies full, but even then I savored the food. And when there was a treat? Forget about it. Picture a pack of lions on a gazelle carcass on the plains of Africa. You ate, or it was gone. I remember all of us kids bringing groceries in from the van and before the groceries were all unloaded from the car, let alone unbagged and put away, kids were tearing through those paper sacks looking for cereals to rip open and shove their arms in (and claim the prizes), or packages of sandwich cookies to open and begin consuming. I know my mother hid some of her most prized food, and sometimes I even snuck that.

Part of that is still in me. If there are cookies (that I made!) I have this thing inside of me that says, "Eat them or they will be gone!" Or ice cream, especially. There is no moderation. There is panic. And that's silly. Because I can bake more cookies, or buy more ice cream. I don't have to eat it all before anyone else does, and I don't have to eat it all gone. So, I practice saying to myself, "I could have that, but I choose not to." Or, "It will always be there. I can have it another time." Realizing these thought patterns (among others) that I have has helped me step back and become more aware of what and why I am eating.

So, I sat there in the food court and was very content to let my boys enjoy these treat foods. But the other thing I did was people watch. I was aware of how very disconnected we are as a society from the food we eat. Eating huge portions, completely unaware of the connection between what are eating and our bodies. It's a bit embarrassing, really. I mean, it may sound hypocritical, since I was there with my children and they were eating that food too, but for us it's a rarity. We sat there for almost an hour, eating, talking, watching. You can tell that with some families, it's normal life. I thought to myself, I wonder if that child has had a single vegetable today? Or this week? Do they even know what they're eating? But I didn't have these feelings as judgments. I didn't feel self-righteous, because you know, I love the taste of most of those foods too, though I couldn't eat them day in and day out. It was more of a step-back, even for myself. What are we doing to ourselves? And realizing that really the only change I can make is with myself, and my children, within my own home.

During the movie, I ate sugar snap peas, carrots, a red bell pepper, an apple, and a few strawberries. I felt good. I would like bread again, yes, but for now, I am enjoying the feeling of cleansing and strengthening.

I felt wonderful all day today, on Day 3. Church was lovely, singing with the Primary children filled me with joy, and I wasn't even as tired as I usually am on Sundays, which is odd, because I was up off and on until after 1am with Aiden while he built that desk. I was happy to wake up and prepare a St. Patrick's Day breakfast for my boys, and very content to drink my green juice.

And you know, since Thursday I have not taken any allergy medicine or ibuprofen. It's not high-allergy season yet, but I have been taking a Zyrtec each day. I thought I'd try the cleanse without it, and I'm doing just fine.

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