Tuesday, July 15, 2008

What We Do for Love

I finished Stephenie Meyer's The Host last night. The last two hundred pages were very hard to tear myself away from, and I have to admit I got a little emotional just before the end. I think we're really lucky to have this human experience. All hardship, temptation, and trial aside, the range and depth of emotion that we are privileged to feel is a blessing! And the power of the emotion we call love, in all its many forms, really is overwhelming. Wanderer was willing to do previously unthinkable things in the name of love. So was Melanie. So have I.

Tomorrow is my 3rd wedding anniversary. Hallelujah! You have no idea what a milestone that is. We made it another year. Another year behind us. Another year we never have to live again. And believe me, with the things that we've had to deal with, making it through another year is a triumph! But then again, I suppose every year that any marriage survives is a triumph in this world of shifting values where quitting is easy and self-gratification is the name of the day. So, hooray for us, and hooray for you who every day are doing the grunt work of marriage, in the trenches, learning the lessons, gleaning the rewards. It's a satisfying place to be.

What have I learned in this, my third year of my second marriage?

1. Shut up.
2. You don't need to say it.
3. It won't help if you do say it.
4. You'll only make it worse if you say it.
5. Even though you're right, still don't say it.
6. He already knows, so don't bother saying it.
7. If you say it, you still won't be happy.
8. If you say it, he still won't stop.
9. He's happier when you keep his faults to yourself. (see #6)
10.Most things will work out, so be quiet.

I'm a slow learner, I guess! But I have to say, that I do believe that our souls find another soul who is perfectly suited to teach us the hardest lessons that we must learn in mortality (but I do not believe that there is only one such soul for each of us), and that there is divine wisdom in the choices we make in spouses. I had that sense when I married Adam. That though I didn't understand fully the reasons at the time, I had this feeling that my union with him would be a blessing so great that I could not even fully comprehend it. And I have learned to trust the process of marriage, for it isn't simply an event. And I think I'm a better me this year than I was at this time last year, so it must be working. Thank goodness for that.

I love you, my Adam. You and me against the world. (Literally, right?)
*(If you haven't already entered the MikaRose dress giveaway, please see this post and enter before Friday at midnight! Good luck!


Josi said...

I love your comment about Soul Mates. I used to believe this, but I've come to feel that truly thinking there is one person out there makes it too easy, in the low parts of an otherwise good marriage, to think you actually found the wrong one. I think there is far more than fate that makes a partnership. Loved your post, and big congratulations, Jenna!

Lesley said...

Sometimes I read other's blogs about their wonderful marriages, and wonder what I'm doing wrong. It's refreshing that someone else says it's sometimes a struggle and that they somehow made it through another year. You two are a very cute couple and I hope you have a wonderful anniversary tomorrow.

Andrea "The H family" said...

wow girl! I'm on my 3rd year coming up. Love your blog entry here. Very real. Refreshing. So..shut up huh? Yep. I'm working on that desperately. Need help. Congrats. And yes, I so believe every year is just God's grace on us wretched sinners. I so believe this. Hugs, your blog friend. A

Misty said...

Happy Anniversary!

YogaNana said...

I'd enter but my girls are all too tall. :o)

Happy anniversary and many more!


Stephanie Humphreys said...

Congratulations on 3 years! What a great post.

Misty said...

Really great post. I love it.
Marriage is so HARD, you are right to view ever anniversary as a major milestone because it is. It certainly isn't the easy way out... Your bit about soul mates is so on the nose...

Angela said...

Happy Anniversary! Ours is tomorrow the 17th. Great post.. I think it is great how open and honest you are.

I am back blogging again .. at least for the moment. hee hee I have had a crazy summer.

Blessed said...

Beautiful Post! I have to agree with your list of things you've learned. The big one for me was learning to shut up! :)

Thanks for dropping by my blog - I love Mac & Cheese with cheddar, hubby prefers Velveeta...

Also hope you enjoy the new Frugal Housewife blog!

James and Angela said...

I love your blog and I love this post. I'll be coming on my third year of marriage in November and I'm learning to shut up too. Thanks for this. Now I must go repeat shut up to myself several more times today! Happy Anniversary.

Don said...

Marriage can be tough no doubt about it. Congratulations on reaching another milestone.

Anonymous said...

How do you stay so beautiful through all the stresses of your life? Will your method work for men? Old men? Congratulations to you and Adam on another significant milestone. One thousand ninety-five days of wedded bliss and blisters. I love your list of ten. I've printed it and hung it on the board in front of my computer with a red tack. I will give it wider application, beyond my marriage, because, as you know, I have a big mouth. It is a legacy from my angel mother. I love you.

The Dadling

Kimberly Vanderhorst said...

That is some amazingly good advice. We've been married seven years now but there's some of that I needed to hear again!

Crayl said...

Been married over 9 years, and yep, i need that list too. *Sigh*. Yep. I really do. Thanks for the reminder.

family said...

You know - I really love what you said about what not to say. I should have read that earlier, I would be a wiser woman for it!

Anonymous said...

It's always good to read someone else's views on marriage when they are...well, less than "milk and honey." I am at a turning point in my life, where some of my friends are so bent on having the perfect marriage/family/kids that I find I have little in common with them anymore. I, with my too-young first marriage and my tempestuous-and-thriving second marriage, am neither the poster child for marriage nor its biggest fan. But damn it, it's hard, and as Rilke wrote, "...there is nothing happier than work, and love, precisely because it is the supreme happiness, can be nothing other than work."

My views are similar to yours, I think, except that once my first marriage tanked I learned to OPEN my mouth, and thus became myself.

Congratulations on your anniversary. I hope it was another good day.