Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Sugar and Spice?

Well, I had to yell at my kids a lot today. It isn't my fault though; my husband told me I'm not sweet. This is why marriage is sometimes an impossible situation:

Adam was editing a wedding video last night on his laptop, while we sat in bed. I sat next to him reading. I heard him say, "Oh, she seems like such a sweetheart" so I leaned over to be the judge of that.

"Am I sweet?" (I know, I know. This was my fatal flaw. I was desperate, alright?)


"Well, you're over there saying a complete stranger is a sweetheart. What about me? Do you think that about me too?"

"You're great, honey. I love you."

"Yeah, but am I sweet?"

"Well...I don't know. Sometimes, I guess. You are a lot of things. There are a lot of really great words that describe you, but 'sweet' isn't really one of the words I would use about you."

"So, you lie then?"


"Well, you told me when I made dinner the other night for your brothers that I was really sweet. And you said it was 'so sweet' of me to spend that time with your kids helping them with homework. You even call me 'Sweetie'."

"No, I wasn't lying. That was sweet of you to do those things. And you are my Sweetie. But you're mostly other great things. Not so much sweet."

What??? No sex for you! Come back, one year!

He didn't mean to be hurtful. He didn't even know he was being hurtful until the next day when I told him. I am obsessed with being sweet.

There is a woman in our church who has this saccharin voice, all high-pitched, and what-not, never yells, probably never even gets mad. She has a bazillion kids, homeschools, and doesn't even have a single gray hair. She's just there to uplift, and comfort, and teach with hand-colored, laminated pictures, hold little children on her lap, and smooth the back of her hand across their little cheeks....and make me want to BARF! Excuse me, I mean, she's so sweet.

I constantly hear about 'sweet' women. My husband's ex-wife is so sweet. She may not have been the one, but she is sweet. Can't deny it; I love her to death.

My last boyfriend's ex-wife was so sweet. I wouldn't work out for him. He wanted a sweet woman. I was smart and all, and "almost pretty enough", but just not sweet enough. He decided to hold out for sweeter. (I think he's still waiting.)

Once I told my first husband that a baby was ugly. (It was, sorry.) He got mad at me for not being sweet. "What kind of a woman says that a baby is ugly?" he asked with a look of scorn and utter disgust. "An honest woman," I replied.

I keep trying to be sweet, but I guess it's not working out for me. On days when I really, really focus on being sweet, I end up absolutely exhausted and just wanting to scream at anyone who crosses me. Kind of like how I feel after a long day wearing high-heels: I sure look hot, but all I want is to take them off and go barefoot.

So today, mentally griping about how un-sweet I am, I snapped at my boys to stop laughing. Stop laughing? Yep, pretty much kicks 'sweet' in the butt. I snapped when they woke me up sixteen times from my coveted 30 minute nap. I snapped when they broke the balloon we needed for the science experiment. I snapped when one wanted raisins AND an orange for a snack. Good grief. All I want is to be SWEET, darnit! Stop making it impossible!



Sarah said...

Does it make me a bad person that this post made me chuckle a little? I'm sure I've had conversations similar to that with Josiah. Maybe not about whether or not I'm sweet, but other things. Back when we were first married, for several years even, I was very self conscious when he'd make any comment about another female. I'm sure he hated being put on the spot like that, but hey, if he didn't want to be, he shouldn't be commenting on other females! Right? Anyway, I got over that and now if he makes a comment I'll usually just agree or disagree and give my reasons.

Hannah said...

Hahaha Jenna!!! I just love you!

PS I think you're sweet, and I've known you longer, so I win.

Anonymous said...

hi jenna:
i had so much fun reading your post and you totally made me laugh OUT LOUD when you exclaimed what! no sex for you, come back, one year! i am still chuckling.

and i think you are awesome and very sweet. you are always sweet with me and i will never ask you for a raisin because i hate em.

thanks sweetie for a rally fun post, kathleen :)

ps. i am one of those women at church who the little ones swarm to and you would think i am sweet.

Jenna said...

Thanks Hannah, but YOU'RE the sweet one, and everybody knows it.

Thanks for the cre8buzz publicity, Kathleen! And it's not the actually being sweet that disturbs me, it's the sweet VOICE, that drives me crazy. You know the one. Do you have one of those? Where you talk super softly all the time, and never laugh too loudly, and talk so slow and gently, and I just want to scream "OUT WITH IT ALREADY! SO YOU'RE SWEET! JUST MAKE YOUR POINT!"

Okay, obviously this is a deep issue for me.

idahohubers said...

Oh My Goodness! I am so connecting with this post. I read you every week (I'm a friend of Sarah's), just been waiting for the moment I can't lurk anonymously any longer. This post is right on and perfectly written. Your discriptions are hillarious because they are so true!

YogaNana said...

I completely hear that very soft high sweet little voice and I heard it before you'd even finished describing it. Personally, I think those people are either over-medicated or need to start right away.

We laughed pretty hard up here. Good post!

Mom & David

Luisa Perkins said...

Ha! Would you rather be sweet, or be my close friend? 'Cause it's kind of an either-or thing. (Pick me, pick me!)

Luisa Perkins said...

PS--Sweet thang, you are tagged for the funnest meme ever. So get busy! Can't wait for your response!

... said...

i'm sure your are sweet. i think the people that are considered sweet are those overly, sugar-sappy sweet people. you have to be overly sweet to have the reputation. and i don't think you really want that, do you?

Anonymous said...

jenna: you crack me up :)

Holly (2 Kids and Tired) said...

I read this last night and I'm' still laughing this afternoon! I'm not one people would call sweet. I remember playing a game at a bridal shower and you had to describe yourself as a food. I said I was like Skittles candy because they were tart and tangy. See, slightly sweet but more tart. That's me.

Jerry said...

I'll bet you're sweeter than most. But it sounds like you have an edge about you. It makes we think of those candies that are sweet & sour at the same time. Those are my favorites! I think you must be a pleasure to be around.

Keep being who you are. Your husband loves you for you.

holly said...

so grateful to be a mormon!'s page said read this, and i am so glad i do what i'm told. this was fun.

Della Marie said...

I stumbled across your blog and started reading you best work...I thought this post was hilarious. It hit a little close to home for me. I think the title was perfect! There's nothing wrong with being a little less sugar and a little more spice. Spice is nice.